tsuki kiyomi kai no shirane o nagamureba itsuka wa yuki ni sora wa harekeru
When at the moon, so clear, Above the white peak of Kai I gaze, I wonder When the snow Will clear from the skies…
Shun’e 55
Right
くまもなき月みるほどの心にてやがて此よをすぐしてしかな
kuma mo naki tsuki miru hodo no kokoro nite yagate kono yo o sugushiteshi kana
When the cloudless Moon I see, My heart Longs within this world To ever stay!
Lord Michiyoshi 56
While the Left does contain some feelings, these seem not to be apparent in its diction. When moonlight is confused with snow, then I would want the composition to be about a location which has none, but mentioning the ‘white peak of Kai’ makes it unclear because it sounds as the composition is about its snow. Dropping a reference to Mount Obasute and replacing it with the ‘white peak of Kai’ sounds absurd and puts me in mind of the judgement in the Poetry Match at the Palace in the Fields. With all that being said, the Right’s poem appears pointlessly pedestrian, so the Left should win, I think.
oki’akashi kumanaki tsuki o nagamureba nohara no kusa no tsuyu mo kakurezu
Lying awake ‘til dawn, and Upon the cloudless moon A’gazing— Upon the grasses o’er the plain Not a single dewdrop is concealed.
Mikawa 53
Right
月をみて心をこよひつくすかなくまなき空は又もこそあれ
tsuki o mite kokoro o koyoi tsukusu kana kumanaki sora wa mata mo koso are
Seeing the moon, Tonight, my heart Exhausts! The cloudless skies Once more are such!
Lord Kinshige 54
The Left’s ‘lying awake ‘til dawn, gazing’ suggests that the poet is at their own residence, but then it finally turns out that they are on the plain – what to make of this? It’s also the case that the moon doesn’t necessarily always appear over the plains. This poem should really have included a clearer reason for the poet’s journey. As for the Right, while it isn’t bad, the final line certainly regrettable, so this round is a tie.
matsurabune akashi no shio ni kogitomeyo koyoi no tsuki wa koko nite o mimu
O, boat from Matsura, Upon the tides of Akashi, Halt your rowing! For tonight, the moon I would gaze upon from there…
Lord Tsunemori 51
Right
月影のさえゆくままにおく霜をおもひもあへず鐘やなるらん
tsukikage no saeyuku mama ni oku shimo o omoi mo aezu kane ya naruran
While the moonlight Is so chill, Is it of the falling frost Quite heedless that The bells are tolling?
Tōren 52
I wonder if the Right’s conception is that of the bells of Fengling? It appears to be said of them that they ‘rang of their own accord when frost fell’, or something like that. Hence, in the Cathay-style poem with the topic ‘the autumn moon seeming to be frost at night’ there is also the line ‘wouldn’t you have it make the Fengling bells ring out together?’ Here, our moonlight is being thought to be frost, and the bells are tolling in response to it. But, as bells are inanimate objects, it does not seem feasible to think that they would toll upon seeing frost. Thus, saying that they would view the moonlight as frost and heedlessly toll, is odd, I have to say. As for the Left, while there is no clear reason for the initial line, the remainder seems reasonable, and so I feel this should win.
tsuki kiyomi nagamuru hito no kokoro sae kumoi ni sumeru aki no yowa kana
The moon, so pure, that Gazing folk feel Their very hearts Clearly in the heavens On an autumn midnight!
Lord Shige’ie 49
Right
のこるべきかきねの雪は先消えてほかはつもるとみゆる月かな
nokorubeki kakine no yuki wa mazu kiete hoka wa tsumoru to miyuru tsuki kana
It should be lingering On my brushwood fence, but the snow First vanishes, then Piling up elsewhere Appears moonlight!
Lord Yorimasa 50
The Left seems extremely commonplace, and simply ending ‘autumn midnight’ feels incomplete. As for the Right, what does it mean to say that ‘the snow upon my brushwood fence first vanishes’? Might it mean that because of the fence’s shadow, the moon’s light cannot be seen? It really sounds as if the poet has gone too far in his quest for unusual expressions. Then there’s ‘piling up elsewhere’ along with ‘autumn midnight’—neither of these sound superior, so it’s impossible to say which poem is.
arashi fuku makuzu ga hara ni naku shika wa uramite nomi ya tsuma o kouran
Storm winds blow Across the arrowroot upon the plain Where bells a stag— Might it be with bitterness, alone, that He yearns for a mate?
Shun’e 47
Right
山里は妻こひかぬる鹿の音にさもあらぬ我もねられざりけり
yamazato wa tsuma koikanuru shika no ne ni sa mo aranu ware mo nerarezarikeri
In a mountain retreat, Filled with too much yearning for his mate A stag bells out— ‘Tis not true of me, yet Still I cannot sleep.
Lay Priest Master 48
The Left’s stag’s bell seeming to despise the arrowroot field and the Right’s inability to sleep on hearing a stag belling at a mountain retreat are both evocative of lonely sadness and neither sounds at all inferior to the other in the depths of the emotion they convey, so I find myself quite unable to distinguish between them.
saoshika no sora ni aware to kikoyuru wa yama no takane ni nakeba narikeri
A stag belling To the skies, sadly I hear— Perhaps, because ‘tis on the mountain’s peak He cries so…
Lord Masahira
45
Right (Win)
ゆふまぐれ霧のまがきのさびしさにをしか鳴くなり秋の山里
yūmagure kiri no magaki no sabishisa ni oshika nakunari aki no yamazato
Tangled in twilight With mist around my brushwood fence, Loneliness fills me, as A stag bells, by A mountain retreat in autumn
Shinkaku 46
What on earth is the conception of ‘sadly hearing something in the skies’? While no one can truly know why a stag bells, what is the point of saying that ‘sadness is in the skies’? And if one does hear it, it isn’t the case that anyone really knows that the stag is belling out of longing for his mate, is it. The stag seeming to bell by a brushwood fence in the mist, seems to sound a bit more moving at the moment.
yomosugara tsuma kouru ma ni saoshika no me sae awade ya naki’akasuran
All night long, Yearning for his mate, Does the stag Fail to close his eyes, Belling until the dawn?
Mikawa 43
Right
独のみみねのをしかのなくこゑにあはれ吹きそふ風の音かな
hitori nomi mine no oshika no naku koe ni aware fukisou kaze no oto kana
A single, solitary, Stag from the peak Belling out Laces sadness into the gusting Sound of the wind!
Kojijū 44
The Left’s ‘fail to close his eyes’ is a commonly utilised viewpoint, while the Right’s ‘lacing sadness into the gusts’ is unsatisfactory—simply ‘laced’ would be preferable. Nevertheless, neither of these are particularly significant faults, so these should tie.
akihagi o kusa no makura ni musubite ya tsuma koikanete shika no fusuran
The autumn bush clover For a grassy pillow Has he woven—is that why Unable to love his mate The stag seems to lie?
Koreyuki 41
Right
妻こふる秋にしなればさをしかの床の山とてうちもふされじ
tsuma kouru aki ni shi nareba saoshika no toko no yama tote uchi mo fusareji
He yearns for his mate In autumn, above all, so In the stag’s Bed among the mountains He cannot lay him down, it seems.
Arifusa 42
The Left isn’t bad, but isn’t there Controller Kore’ie’s poem:
秋萩を草の枕にむすぶ夜はちかくもしかのこゑをきくかな
akihagi o kusa no makura ni musubu yo wa chikaku mo shika no koe o kiku kana
The autumn bush clover For a grassy pillow I weave tonight— Close by, truly, a stag’s Bell I hear! [1]
While there is this earlier example, neither core nor the conceptions of these poems are the same, and as the Right’s poem is not all that good, after careful consideration I make this a tie.
[1] On hearing a stag at his lodgings. KYS (3) III: 224
yamakaze ni shioruru nobe no kusamura no neya samushi to ya shika no nakuran
The mountain wind Withers the meadow’s Clumps of grasses— Is it his chilly bedchamber That makes the stag cry out?
Moromitsu 39
Right (Win)
あはれとはねらふさつをも思ふらんをしか妻どふ秋の夕ぐれ
aware to wa nerau satsuo mo omouran oshika tsumadobu aki no yūgure
‘How sad,’ The aiming hunter, too, Seems to think, as The stag searches for his mate On an autumn evening…
Lay Priest Sanekiyo 40
The Left shows no technique from beginning to end, compounded by the fact that, while ‘although the stag does lie’ is a common expression in poetry, ‘bedchamber’ is something I am unaccustomed to hearing. As for the Right, ‘aiming hunter’ is distasteful to hear, but the poem is not bad overall, so it wins.
kusagakure mienu oshika mo tsuma kouru koe oba e koso shinobazarikere
Hidden by the grasses, Unseen, the stag, too Longing for his mate, His bell, indeed, is unable To conceal!
Lord Yorimasa 37
Right
秋の野の花のたもとに置く露や妻よぶしかの涙なるらむ
aki no no no hana no tamoto ni oku tsuyu ya tsuma yobu shika no namida naruramu
In the autumn meadows, Upon the blossoms’ sleeves Are the fallen dewdrops The stag—calling for his mate— Letting tears fall?
Narinaka 38
The Left is novel, and the Right charming, respectively. The Right’s poem does have a large number of identical syllables—while this is criticized in the Code of the Creation of Poetry as a ‘whole body fault’, it is not the case that poems containing this defect have not appeared in poetry matches from time to time, and I don’t feel it’s necessary to examine whether there are a large number of similar cases here: such things are simply a style of poetry.
