Round Six
Left
草枯のふしどさびしく成りゆけばしかこそ妻もこひしかるらめ
| kusakare no fushido sabishiku nariyukeba shika koso tsuma mo koishikarurame | Among the withered grasses He lies down, yet into lonely sadness Does he sink, so The stag his mate Seems to long for all the more… |
Suketaka
35
Right (Win)
さをしかの声しきるなりみよしののいさかた山に妻やこもれる
| saoshika no koe shikiru nari miyoshino no isakatayama ni tsuma ya komoreru | The stag’s Bell rends my heart— In fair Yoshino On Mount Isakata Is his mate secluded. |
Tōren
36
I don’t believe I have heard a prior instance of the Right’s ‘Isakata Mountain’, have I? In addition, there doesn’t seem to be any reason for its use here. In general, it’s preferable to compose using terms which are familiar. As for the Left’s poem, it sounds as if the stag only cares for his mate when the grasses are withered, but implying that grass only withers in the Ninth and Tenth Months is at variance with the actual period when it happens, isn’t it? Moreover, it is dubious to compose pivoting around the topic—and doing this has been stated to be undesirable in poetry matches. Indeed, I recall that in the Poetry Match at the Palace in the Fields, when someone composed pivoting on ‘maidenflower’, the judge criticized it, saying, ‘it is mangling the words of our land to compose in this manner.’ Thus, although the poem does have a freshness about it, the Right must win, I think.
