uguisu no naku ki no moto ni furu yuki wa hakaze ni hana no chiru ka to zo miru
The warbler Sings from in a tree, its roots Covered by falling snow; Breeze stirred by its wingbeats, blossom Does seem to scatter.
Lord Kiyosuke 1
Right
うぐひすのなきて木づたふ梅がえにこぼるる露や涙なるらん
uguisu no nakite kozutau ume ga e ni koboruru tsuyu ya namida naruran
The warbler Crying flits from Branch to plum branch; Has the dripping dew His tears, perhaps, become?
Shun’e 2
Both Left and Right proceed smoothly, but what are we to make of the line ‘Crying flits’ in the Right’s poem? As this is also an expression which implies that dew is falling, these should tie.
chiri chirazu hana yori hoka no iro zo naki kasanaru yama no mine no harukaze
Scattered, or not, Other than the blossoms’ Hues are there none Layered upon the mountain Peaks by the breeze in springtime.[1]
Shō 27
Right
かづらきやたかまの山はうづもれて空に棚引く春のしら雲
kazuragi ya takama no yama wa uzumorete sora ni tanabiku haru no shirakumo
In Kazuragi Takama Mountain Is buried by Trailing across the skies Clouds of white in springtime.
Nagatsuna 28
The Left’s poem appears fine. The Right’s poem, having ‘Takama Mountain is buried’ is both pretentious and does not link to anything. The Left must win.
[1] An allusive variation on: On a folding screen for the Kamo Virgin, for the place showing people going along a mountain path. ちりちらずきかまほしきをふるさとの花見て帰る人もあはなん chiri chirazu / kikamahoshiki o / furusato no / hana mitekaeru / hito mo awanan ‘Are they scattered, or not, is / What I would ask, but / The ancient estate’s / Blossom having seen and returned— / Those folk I would have you meet.’ Ise (SIS I: 49)
utsuriyuku hana no shita michi ato mo nashi nagame mo shiroki haru no yamakaze
The shifting Blossom on the paths beneath Leaves no footprints there; My gaze with whiteness filled By spring’s breezes in the mountains.
Dōchin 23
Right (Win)
身にかへておもふもくるし桜花さかぬみ山に宿もとめてん
mi ni kaete omou mo kurushi sakurabana sakanu miyama ni yado mo tometen
It should be me instead, I think, but even that brings pain; Where cherry blossoms Fail to bloom, deep within the mountains Should I make my home.
Dharma Master Nyokan 24
The Left’s poem does not sound poor, but has ‘gaze with whiteness’—a long time ago, Lay Priest Toshinari repeatedly said that it is not appropriate to compose about looking at something specific using ‘gaze’. The initial and concluding section of the Right’s poem sound fine—it should win.
