samuki yo wa sagoromo kari no koe kikeba kaesugaesu zo hito wa koishiki
On a night so chill, In a scanty robe, when the goose Cries I hear, Again and yet again Do I long for her…
18
[i] This poem is included in Shinshūishū (XII: 1011), with the headnote, ‘From the poetry match at Tsurayuki’s house’. A variant of it also appears in some Mandaishū (XV: 2458) texts; in others the version provided is as in the contest: From the poetry match held when Tsuryuki was in Suo province. 秋萩におく白露の澄みかへり人をこひしとおもふころかな aki hagi ni / oku shiratsuyu no / sumikaeri / hito o koishi to / omou koro kana ‘In autumn upon the bush-clover / Fall silver dewdrops / Ever clear / Her I loved— / My feelings in those days’.
sagoromo no tamoto wa sebashi kazukedomo shigure no ame wa kokoroshite fure
My night robe’s Sleeves are narrow: I cover myself, yet, O rain shower, Fall with care!
Lord Toshitaka 21
Right (Both Judges – Win)
はつ時雨音信しより水ぐきの岡の梢の色をしぞ思ふ
hatsushigure otozureshi yori mizuguki no oka no kozue no iro o shi zo omou
Since the first shower Came to call, Mizuguki Hill’s treetops’ Hues fill my thoughts…
Lord Tokimasa 22
Toshiyori states: the poem on night robes has ‘Fall with care!’ – is this expressing regret over getting wet? In addition, there’s ‘I cover myself, yet’: it would have been preferable to have this element first. The poem on the ‘first shower’ is not that remarkable, yet it does sound smooth. ‘Hues fill my thoughts’ feels conspicuously old-fashioned, and yet composing using ‘Mizuguki’ seem superior.
Mototoshi states: what on earth is the poet doing saying his ‘night robe’ is ‘narrow’? In the Code of the Shijō Major Counsellor this is indicted to be a bad thing—‘a shallow poem with weighty words’! The poem of the Right has ‘Since the first shower / Came to call’ and I feel that this is how a poem on showers ought to be. Saying ‘Hill’s treetops’ / Hues fill my thoughts’ is a bit trite, but still charming, so this is superior, isn’t it.
