The Right say that the Left’s poem is particularly good this round, while the Left have no criticisms to make of the Right’s one either.
Shunzei says, ‘One has to wonder whether, following the final of the Left’s poem, there might not be men who foolishly pondered on blossom? And, in the Right’s the “gift for the one I love” (omou hito aru iezuto): how would the blossoms appear? Is it that the poet as broken off a spray? The two halves of the poem do not seem to fit appropriately together, which is a problem of mistaken emphasis. Thus, in the end, rather than the “gift”, in terms of form “in ages past who was it” must win.’
The Right query the Left’s use of ‘wind-driven’ (fuguku), wondering whether it’s appropriate in poetry, while the Left have no criticisms to make of the Right’s poem.
Shunzei remarks testily that, ‘The Left appear to have regrettably little sense of how to compose on the topic of ‘the path across the Shiga Mountains’, an impression which could have been reversed if only ‘a mountain path’ (yama michi) had been mentioned. The Right’s ‘winter has come once more to the path across the Shiga Mountains’ (fuyu ni zo kaeru shiga no yamagoe), however, is charming. Thus, it must win.’
The Right state that ‘I feel and so’ (to omou ma ni) in the Left’s poem is ‘unpleasant’, while the Left remark that ‘entering among blossoms and then saying “blossoms indistinguishable” is unclear.’ The commentators are uncertain about what the Right’s objection to ‘to omou ma ni’ is, and speculate that it may be because it contains one too many syllables for its position in the poem (six when there should be five). This seems most likely, as there are numerous other poems using the expression in other contexts.
Shunzei judgement is: ‘The Right’s emphasis on blossom resembling clouds is excessive and makes the poem eccentric. Their criticism of the Left’s “I feel, and so” (omou ma ni) is also excessive. The round would appear to be a tie.’
The Right team remark about the Left’s poem that ‘beginning two lines with so (sode…sora) is grating’, while the Left have no criticisms to make of the Right’s poem.
Shunzei states, ‘The gentlemen of the Right have remarked upon the Left poem’s grating qualities. Nevertheless, does it not seem that this path across the Shiga Mountains is particularly intriguing? The Right’s poem mentions ‘blossom from the treetops/footprints mark’ (hana no kozue ni ato miete), but if the sense is that the blossom has already fallen, it seems that there would be little of interest in such a sight. The Left should win, I think.’