The Right state that, ‘“Sing…to the skies” (sora o tsugu) goes against the spirit of the topic,’ while the Left wonder, ‘What we can make of “green maple leaves” (aoki momiji)?’
Shunzei states, ‘The Left’s “sing of coming autumn to the skies” (aki o chikashi to sora o tsugu nari) is superlative. The Right’s “green maple leaves” (aoki momiji) must mean that the poet, on seeing a tree which turns scarlet, rather than green, recollects the autumn colour. However, “the heat” and the diction in the concluding line are somewhat pedestrian and unpoetic. I must award the victory to the Left.’
The Right state that the Left’s poem this round is ‘exceptionally wonderful’, while the Left simply remark that the Right’s poem is ‘old-fashioned in parts’.
Shunzei states, ‘The gentlemen of the Right have already judged the Left’s poem. All that I can say is that it is better than exceptionally wonderful. Thus, the Left must win.’
Neither team has any criticisms to make this round.
Shunzei says, ‘The Left’s phrase “have dreamed on” (yume o nokoshite) is extremely good. The earlier “In the cool of evening” (yū suzumi) is a phrase often used in composition, but I dislike it. The Right’s poems is charming throughout. It should win.’
The Right comment that, ‘In the Left’s poem, “light the darkness” (yami o hikari) does not seem that elegant an expression,’ while the Left can find no fault with the Right’s poem.
Shunzei agrees: ‘“Light the darkness with fishing-fires’ glow” (yami o hikari no kagaribi no kage) does not seem particularly satisfactory in sense. The Right’s “Eighty in all, on Uji River, beneath the darkening evening sky” (yaso ujigawa no yūyami no sora) is especially fine. There is no question but that it wins.’
The Right query the Left’s use of ‘wind-driven’ (fuguku), wondering whether it’s appropriate in poetry, while the Left have no criticisms to make of the Right’s poem.
Shunzei remarks testily that, ‘The Left appear to have regrettably little sense of how to compose on the topic of ‘the path across the Shiga Mountains’, an impression which could have been reversed if only ‘a mountain path’ (yama michi) had been mentioned. The Right’s ‘winter has come once more to the path across the Shiga Mountains’ (fuyu ni zo kaeru shiga no yamagoe), however, is charming. Thus, it must win.’
The Right team once again rate the Left’s poem as ‘satisfying’, while the Left say the Right’s is ‘especially satisfying. ’
Shunzei’s judgement is that ‘the Left’s “hazy moonlight from the daybreak sky” (tsuki kage kasumu ariake no sora) and the Right’s “Misty moonlit dawning sky” (oborozukiyo no akebono no sora) are both splendid. It is difficult, indeed, to decide between them. Another excellent tie.’
The Right team have no particular remarks to make about the Left’s poem this round, but the Left state that the Right’s poem is ‘most satisfying.’
Shunzei’s judgement is: ‘The Left’s “Is this haze?” (kasumi ka wa) seems like it wants to be “Is this just haze?” (kasumi nomi ka wa). “In blossom and warbler song am I sealed” (hana uguisu ni tojirarete) and “my home this dawn” (yado no akebono) remind one of “the lofty palace of Shinsei stands behind warblers and blossom” and this is excellent. As for the Right’s poem, this is particularly moving, with its depiction of the scene “departing from the waves, narrow clouds trail across the sky” (nami ni hanaruru yokogumo no sora), recalling “the pine-clad peak of Sué” (sue no matsuyama). The poem does start with “hazes rise” (kasumi tatsu) and having “haze” (kasumi), “wave” (nami) and “cloud” (kumo) means the poem is somewhat overburdened with similar imagery. “Narrow clouds trail across the sky”, though, does make a particularly strong impression, and the Left’s poem is merely satisfying, as has been said. Thus, “my home this dawn” must lose, I think.’
The Right team state that, ‘the expression ‘softly lightening’ (akegure) gives the impression that the scene is rather earlier than dawn,’ to which the Left snap back that ‘sad solitude’ (kokorobosogeni) is ‘puerile.’
Shunzei’s judgement is, ‘The comments by both teams are apt. The poems seem of equivalent quality.’
Neither team has anything to say about the other’s poem this round.
Shunzei, however, says, ‘Although the expressions ‘time and time again’ (kurikaeshi) and ‘uncounted ages pass’ (iku yo hete) seem somewhat forced connections with ‘threaded’ (ito), the final section beginning ‘identical azure’ (onaji midori) is superb. The essence of the Right’s poem, of gazing at the sky at sunset with the threads of haze stained, is charming, but I wonder whether it would not have been better not to force the reference to sunset into the poem. ‘Azure skies’ must win.