The Right state that it should be kuyuru in the Left’s poem – and that they are not accustomed to hearing kuyuri. The Left state that, ‘while the rain falling on a roof of reeds would make no sound, once it became drops dripping through, it would. In addition, while it “makes no sound”, how can it be love?’
Shunzei’s judgement: The gentlemen of the Right’s claim that the Left’s poem should be kuyuri is incorrect. This is simply a case of the same diction as in utsuru-utsuri, todomaru-todomari – I should not have to give more examples. In form the poems do have good and bad points [utazama zen’aku arubeki]. I have the feeling I have recently seen something similar to the Right’s metaphorical use of a roof of reeds. Or maybe it was not that recently. The Left’s ‘has yet to rise’ seems better. I shall make it the winner.
The Gentlemen of the Right state: the Left’s poem has no faults. The Gentlemen of the Left state: the Right’s poem is pedestrian [tsune no koto nari].
Shunzei’s judgement: the sound of ‘Bamboo by the river, leaves streaming’ (kawatake no nabiku), leading to ‘the three worlds’ Buddhas’ (miyo no hotoke) is not a particularly good expression. In the Right’s poem, if it was changed to ‘the disappearance of one’s sins is pleasant, but’ (tsumi no kiyuru koto wa ureshiki o), this would be more in line with the conception of the final section of the poem. By beginning ‘how pleasant that’ (ureshiku mo) it sounds as if the poet is pleased to bear another year, too. I wonder, is ‘bamboo by the river’ a recollection of the Palace Gardens? The Left should win.
The Gentlemen of the Right state: why have the ‘bell’ (kane) here? The Gentlemen of the Left state: the Right’s poem has no faults.
Shunzei’s judgement: the Left’s poem, having the poet buried beneath his bedclothes, which alter the sound of the bell recollects a composition on the ‘bell at the Temple of Bequeathed Love’. Nevertheless, the Gentlemen of the Right have asked, ‘Why have the bell here?’, and they are right to do so. The Right’s poem, on how the feeling of cold on a chill, snowy night vanishes briefly, exactly conveys the ‘bedding’s effect’ (fusuma no shirushi). Thus, it is without fault. I must make the Right the winner.
hitotose o
nagametsukuseru
asatode ni
usuyuki kōru
sabishisa no hate
All throughout the year
Have I gazed, until I can do no more, then
Opening my door this morning
A light fall of frozen snow
Brings me to the ends of sorrow…
The Right state that the Left’s poem is ‘overblown and intimidating’ [yuyushigeni odosaretari]. The Left merely state the Right’s poem is ‘unremarkable’ [tsune no koto nari].
Shunzei’s judgement: The Left’s ‘All throughout the year have I gazed, until I can do no more’ (hitotose o nagametsukushi), followed by ‘the ends of sorrow’ (sabishisa no hate), gives the impression that the snow must be extremely deep, but saying ‘a light fall of frozen snow’ (usuyuki koru) sounds contrary to the content. The Right’s ‘even you, I will not call upon’ (hito o sae towazu) and ‘should I tread through it, I would regret the tracks’ (ware fumiwaken ato no oshiki ni) more than being trite in conception [tsune no kokoro], is direct in diction [kotoba kudakete], and sounds overly definite [amari tashika ni kikoete], so the conception of ‘I will not call upon, gazing’ (towade koso mire) is inferior to that of ‘light snow’ (usuyuki).
Shunzei’s judgement: ‘A path of thorns’ (odoro no michi mo) recollects the gentlemen of the court when garbed for hawking, and certainly sounds accurate, but the final line does not say anything out of the ordinary. On scattered jewels of ‘hail falling on the hunting ground of Ono’ (kariba no ono ni furu arare), you have ‘many folk’ (morobito no) and then ‘today’s Imperial Progress’ (kyō no miyuki ni) which sounds as if both are indistinguishable. It is impossible to assign a winner or loser this round.
Shunzei’s judgement: ‘Peak, crowding clouds go scudding by’ (mine no murakumo fukimayoi) sounds fine [yoroshiku kikoyuru], but preceding it with ‘About this mountain’ (kono yama no) is something I find myself particularly unable to accept, as I wonder to which mountain the poem refers. ‘Would it be like this? Sweeping on’ (kakaramashi ya wa uchiharau) connects well with what comes before and after it and sounds tasteful, more or less [nani to naku yū ni kikoehaberu]. The Right must win.
The Right state that the initial line of the Left’s poem is ‘awkward’ [amari nari], and that they cannot approve of the final use of ya. The Left wonder about the appropriateness of ‘Holds all my regrets’ (uramihatenuru).
Shunzei’s judgement: The Gentlemen of the Right have a number of criticisms of the Left’s poem. However, with careful consideration, while the poem is not tasteful in its entirety [subete yū ni shimo arazaredo], the initial line does not seem that strange, and the final ya is fine, is it not? The Right’s ‘The clumps of miscanthus grass from time to time across the fields do wave’ is tasteful [yū naru], but all that connects with ‘arrowroot’, is the subsequent ‘seeing what lies beneath’. ‘Arrowroot’ is too briefly in the poem for this. The initial and final sections of the Left’s poem have been criticised by the Gentlemen of the Right, but they are not without purpose. Thus, the Left wins.
The Right state that the Left’s poem has nothing to do with lingering chrysanthemums in its initial part, and the concluding section is incomprehensible [kokoroegatashi]. The Left merely remark that the Right’s ‘snow piles against my fence’ (yuki no mase) sounds poor [kikiyokarazu].
Shunzei’s judgement: The gentleman of the Right states that ‘the Left’s poem has nothing to do with lingering chrysanthemums’ – this really isn’t the case, is it? Even superficially, this is not true [omote naki ni wa arazu].However, I am unable to accept ‘look’ (irogao) as appropriate diction. In the Right’s poem, ‘snow piles against my fence’ (yuki no mase), again, charmingly and especially reflects the conception of lingering chrysanthemums [zangiku no kokoro mo koto ni miete okashiku koso mie]. In general, hearing both sides complaining that the other’s poems ‘sound poor’ or ‘grate upon the ear’ is itself unpleasant to hear. The Right wins.
The Right state that the Left’s poem is lacking in conception [kokoro yukazu]. The Left respond that the Right’s poem, as in the previous round, is old-fashioned in both conception and diction [kokoro kotoba onaji yō ni furumekashi].
Shunzei’s judgement: The Left’s poem does seem to have some conception about it, despite the Right’s criticism of this as lacking. Although the Right’s ‘depths of colour’ (iro sae fukaki) appears easy to grasp, again, the round should tie.
The Right question the Left’s use of ‘Dawn it is in name alone’ (ariake no na bakari). The Left find no fault with the Right’s poem.
Shunzei’s judgement: I do not feel there is anything particularly wrong with ‘name alone; in autumn’ (na bakari aki no), but the Right’s ‘Together with the moon in the dawning skies’ (tsuki to tomo ni ya ariake no sora) seems most fine [yoroshikuhaberubeshi]. Thus, the Right wins.