The Right wonder about the appropriateness of ‘through the haze upon’ (kasumi no sue), while the Left content themselves with saying the Right’s poem is ‘trite.’
Shunzei states that, ‘“Through the haze upon the unplanted paddy fields” (kasumi no sue no araoda) is a particularly desolate image, but I do wonder if it’s appropriate here. “Hidden in the waters, the frogs of Ide swarm” (migakurete ide no kawazu) certainly sounds as if it were based on a prior example, but I find myself unable to recall it at present. Having both “across the waves” (nami no ue) and “the frogs of Ide” (ide no kawazu), however, is excessive. The left seems the winner.’
The Right remark that as the Left’s poem contains “carried on the wind” (oikaze ni), it would have been desirable for it to also contain “boat”. The Left content themselves with saying that the reference to “frogs crying” seems “bombastic”.
Shunzei judges, ‘It is as the Right have stated with regard to “carried on the wind.” “Comes with the waves” (nami mo yorikuru) and its associated section, too, sounds impressive, but is really not so. There is logic in the criticism of the Right’s poem for “frogs crying”, but this is how the Horie frogs sound. Thus, the Right should win.’
Both teams say that they consider the other’s poem to be ‘trite’ [kyūbutsu] this round.
Shunzei’s judgement: The Left’s poem certainly certainly has a conception [kokoro] which one is well-accustomed to hearing, but I am unable to recall exactly where. In form it is well-constructed [utazama yoroshikuhaberubeshi]. The Right’s initial “Waters in the valley soak the rocks – the sound swallowed” (tanimizu no iwa moru oto wa uzumorete) is excellent [yū], but the latter part is definitely old-fashioned [furite]. Thus, the Left must win.