Left (Win)
今さらにたれに心をうつうつすらむ我とすみ絵はかき絶えにけり
ima sara ni
tare ni kokoro o
utsusuramu
ware to sumi e wa
kakitaenikeri |
Now, once again,
To whom will his heart
Shift? His reflection in
A drawing of ink, is all that’s left
Drawn, now he no longer lives with me… |
Lord Ari’ie
1107
Right
跡もなく色になり行言の葉やすみ絵ををとむる木立成らん
ato mo naku
iro ni nariyuki
koto no ha ya
sumi e o tomuru
kodachi naruran |
No lines remain,
All is turned to colour;
Will his leaves of words
Remain here at my home, as an ink
Sketch of a grove? |
Lord Takanobu
1108
The Right state: the Left’s poem has no faults in particular. The Left state: why would you say that an ink drawing that remains ‘leaves no trace’? We would have preferred it had it been ‘colours most fair’ (iro masaru).
In judgement: both Left and Right have the conception of ‘ink drawings’ (sumie) and, when viewed together, I do not feel that they show much promise, but the Right, beginning with ‘no lines remain’ (ato mo naku) which I do not feel is in tune with the latter part of the poem, in addition, then concludes with ‘sketch of a grove’ (kodachi naruran) which is undesirable. The Left’s ‘a drawing of ink, is all that’s left’ (ware to sumi e wa) is a metaphorical expression which at least strives at charm. Thus, I must say that the Left is superior.
