akebono | Waka Poetry

Left.

この世には心とめじと思ふまにながめぞはてぬ春のあけぼの

kono yo ni wa
kokoro tomeji to
omou ma ni
nagame zo hatenu
haru no akebono

From this world
I’ll sever all ties,
I vow, yet
I cannot, while gazing on
The dawn in springtime.

Kenshō.

111

Right (Win).

何となく心うきぬるひとり寢に明ぼのつらき春の色哉

nani to naku
kokoro ukinuru
hitorine ni
akebono tsuraki
haru no iro kana

For some reason
My heart’s unquiet;
In solitary sleep,
Comes the dawn with spiteful
Springtime hues…

Lord Takanobu.

112

The Right state that, ‘it does not seem as if much thought has been given to the placement of “the dawn in springtime” (haru no akebono). Given that it appears in the topic, why build up to it in such a roundabout way?’ The Left, however, have no comments to make on the Right’s poem.

Shunzei, however, states, ‘The Gentlemen of the Right’s statement of about the lack of thought given to “dawn” (akebono) is not reasonable. Even in topics which combine more than one element (musubidai 結題) , it has been said that there are characters which express these indirectly (mawasu moji まはす文字). In topics such as “Spring Dawn”, to fail to clearly mention it suggests nothing more than ignorance of composition. The use of “while” (ma ni), however, is a clear fault, and the Right’s poem is thus definitely superior.’

Left (Win).

末遠き若葉の芝生うちなびき雲雀鳴野の春の夕暮

sue tōki
wakaba no shibafu
uchinabiki
hibari naku no no
haru no yūgure

To the distance far
The growing greensward
Stretches;
Skylarks singing o’er the plain
In the springtime evening.

Lord Sada’ie

Right.

雲に入るそなたの聲をながむれば雲雀落ち來る明ぼのゝ空

kumo ni iru
sonata no koe no
nagamureba
hibari ochikuru
akebono no sora

From within the clouds
Comes song: thither
Staring,
Skylarks swooping
Through the skies at dawn.

Lord Takanobu.

The Right team question what it is that the greensward ‘streams’ (nabiku) towards, while the Left say that starting with ‘within the clouds’ (kumo ni iru) is ‘somewhat abrupt’.

Shunzei comments of the Right’s question, ‘whatever it streams towards, in truth, from point of view of form, it should not stream at all,’ meaning that there’s no need to use the expression at all in the poem. As for the Right’s poem, somewhat facetiously, he says, ‘what is “within the clouds” is, most likely a ball, and while gazing “thither at their song”, one would think that, no doubt, the skylark, too, would soon come swooping down, but one would have to stop staring in order to catch it!’ In addition, ‘wouldn’t it be to dark at dawn to distinguish a skylark?’ So, ‘Skylarks singing o’er the plain/In the springtime evening’ should be the winner.

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