A poem composed when Senior Clerk Hata no Imiki presented a farewell banquet to Governor Ōtomo, Lord Yakamochi at the Yachishima residence.
奈呉の海の沖つ白波しくしくに思ほえむかも立ち別れなば
| nago no umi no oki tu siranami sikusiku ni omopoemu ka mo tatiwakarenaba |
At the sea of Nago The whitecaps in the offing So clearly Would I remember When I am gone from here… |
Ōtomo no Yakamochi
大伴家持
Left (Tie).
木の間より日影や花をもらすらん松の岩根の水の白波
| ko no ma yori hikage ya hana o morasuran matsu no iwane no mizu no shiranami |
Between the trees, The sunlight these blooms Does seem to drench: The pine-rooted crags’ White-capped waves of water. |
35
Right (Tie).
春來れば氷をはらふ谷風の音にぞつゞく山川の水
| haru kureba kōri o harau tanikaze no oto ni zo tsuzuku yamakawa no mizu |
Spring is come, so Sweeping ‘way the ice, The wind through the valley Brings a constant sound: Water in the mountain streams. |
36
Neither team have any comments to make about the other’s poem.
Shunzei comments that both poems sound ‘excellent’, but the Left’s begins ‘between the trees’ (ko no ma yori) and then continues to mention ‘pines’: are the ‘trees’ pines? Or, are they a different type? Whichever is the case, this is, perhaps, a ‘compositional error’. As for the Right’s poem, the expression, ‘sweeping ‘way the ice/The wind through the valley’ (kôri o harau/tanikaze no) is ‘charming’, but he ‘greatly dislikes’ the use of tsuzuku. (It’s unclear why he says this, as he gives no further explanation: the commentators suggest that it could be that the word is too conventional, or that it was generally considered more attractive in poetry to have something ending, rather than continuing, or simply that he didn’t like the way the poem was read out on this occasion!) Given that both poems are ‘equally excellent’ , and that the Left is ‘unclear’ over its trees, a tie has to be awarded.
Left.
山川の氷のくさびうちとけて石にくだくる水の白波
| yamakawa no kōri no kusabi uchitokete ishi ni kudakuru mizu no shiranami |
The mountain stream’s Icy wedges Are melting; Broken on the rocks In white-capped waves of water. |
33
Right (Win).
春風に下ゆく浪の數見えて殘ともなき薄氷かな
| harukaze ni shita yuku nami no kazu miete nokoru tomonaki usukōri kana |
With the breath of spring, Flowing beneath, waves In numbers can be seen; Hardly any remains – just A coating of ice. |
34
Neither team have any comments to make about the other’s poem.
Shunzei remarks that the opening of the Left’s poem seems ‘old-fashioned’ (and hence is cliched). The conclusion is splendid, but would have been improve by the substitution of ‘crags’ (iwa) for ‘rocks’ (ishi). The Right’s poem, in the spirit of clarifying the numbers of waves of water flowing under a thin sheet of ice, ‘seems exceptional’, and so the latter poem is ‘slightly superior.’
かもめ鳴く入江に潮の滿つなへに芦のうら葉を洗ふ白浪
| kamome naku irie ni shio no mitsu nae ni ashi no uraba o arau shiranami |
The seagulls cry along The inlet where the tides, At their height, The reed tips Wash with whitecaps. |