kusamakura onaji tabine no sode ni mata yowa no shigure mo yado wa karikeri
Needing a grassy pillow When travelling just the same as I, dozing I find my sleeves drenched even more, For the midnight shower, too, Has found lodging.
Kojijū 87
Right
いほりさすやまぢはすぎぬはつしぐれふるさとまでやめぐりゆくらむ
iori sasu yamaji wa suginu hatsushigure furusato made ya meguriyukuramu
I put up my hut Upon the mountain path that you passed by, O, first shower! As far as my ancient home I wonder, will you make your way?
Lord Sanemori 88
The poem of the Left, saying ‘When travelling just the same as I dozing, / I find my sleeves drenched even more’ and then following this with ‘For the midnight shower, too, / Has found lodging’, has an extremely charming conception and configuration. In addition to the poem of the Right also having a charming conception, it begins with ‘O, first shower!’ and then continues, ‘As far as my ancient home’, which is an effective use of diction. Nevertheless, the conception of the Left’s poem is even better and it wins.
naniwagata ashi no maroya no tabine ni wa shigure wa noki no shizuku ni zo shiru
In Naniwa’s tidelands, In a reed-roofed hut, Dozing on my travels— A shower by the eaves Dripping droplets is revealed!
Lord Tsunemori 85
Right
つのくにのこやのたびねにしぐれしてなにかはもらむあしのやへぶき
tsu no kuni no koya no tabine ni shigureshite nani ka wa moramu ashi no yaebuki
In the land of Tsu In Koya, in a hut dozing on my travels During a shower— Will anything drip through My roof’s eightfold thatch?
Lord Yorisuke 86
Both Left and Right are set in a traveller’s lodge in Sesshū province, but the Left appears to lack configuration and conception, it has long been said that using four of the character in a poem in a poetry match is a fault, but it does not sound to me as if the four uses of no here are a particular problem. With that being said, starting with ‘dozing on my travels’ [tabine ni wa]and then having ‘a shower by the eaves’ [shigure ni wa] uses wa twice and this seems to sound a bit discordant. The Right, while it refers to the same sort of shower from a cloudless sky, starts with ‘during a shower’ and follows this with ‘will anything drip through?’, which seems to sound a bit contradictory. I can’t help but feel it would have been better had it been ‘even though it showers’ and then had ‘will anything’. However, both poems are about reed roofed huts during a shower and it really is difficult to distinguish between them. Thus, I make this a tie.
koyoi shimo ayaniku ni furu shigure kana mabara ni saseru shiba no iori ni
Of all nights How unfortunate it is that falls A shower! Upon my crudely erected Brushwood hut!
Lord Kinshige 83
Right
くさまくらつゆけきたびのくれはとりあやにくにまたしぐれふるなり
kusamakura tsuyukeki tabi no kurehatori akaniku ni mata shigure furu nari
My grassy pillow is Dew-drenched on my travels At Kurehatori—the weaver’s town! How warped that still A shower falls here!
Enjitsu 84
Both Left and Right have their showers falling unfortunately, and the poem of the Right starts with ‘Kurehatori’ and continues with ‘warped’ which sounds charming, but to mention ‘dew-drenched travels’ and follow this with Kurehatori give a somewhat unexpected impression. The Left lacks anything as individual as Kurehatori’s warp, but ‘crudely erected’ is a direct description and, thus I could make the Left the winner.
shigure ni wa iori mo sasaji kusamakura oto kiku tote mo nurenu sode ka wa
Caught in a shower, I’d not erect my hut, for Upon a grassy pillow Listening to the sound, still Would my sleeves be soaked!
Tsunemasa 73
Right (Win)
たまもふくいそやがしたにもるしぐれたびねのそでもしほたれよとや
tamamo fuku isoya ga shita ni moru shigure tabine no sode mo shiotareyo to ya
Thatched with gemweed is My roof upon the rocky shore, beneath it Drips a shower, so My sleeves, as I doze upon my travels, Wet with the salty tides – should I say that?
Nakatsuna 74
The Left wonders whether his sleeves would be soaked, listening to the sound of a shower after abandoning all thought of a hut and grassy pillow—this seems extremely charming, but the configuration and sequencing of the Right, beginning with ‘thatched with gemweed’ and continuing with ‘my sleeves, as I doze upon my travels, / Wet with salty tides’, is extremely moving, isn’t it! Thus I have to award a win, once more, to the poem of the Right.
kari no io wa sosoku shigure mo tomaraneba tsuyuwakegoromo hoshi zo kanetsuru
Upon my crude hut, Dripping, the showers, too, Never cease, so My dew-soaked garb To dry is impossible!
Kyō 71
Right
さらぬだにたびねのとこはつゆけきにいかにせよとてうちしぐるらむ
saranu dani tabine no toko wa tsuyukeki ni ika ni seyo tote uchishigururamu
Even ‘twere not to be, My journey-bed is Drenched with dew, so What am I to do, Beneath these falling showers?
Suehiro 72
The Left has ‘dripping, the showers, too’, while the Right has ‘what am I to do’ and so forth—while neither of these is poor in terms of conception and diction, the initial section of the Right sounds extremely commonplace, thus the Left’s conception of agonizing over the being unable to dry dew-soaked garb is slightly superior in the current context.
