yuki mo awanu chigi no katasogi moru tsuki o shimo to ya kami no omoimasuramu
Fail to entwine do The chiliad of trees, while from the ridge poles Drips the moon— ‘Tis frost, perhaps, does the Deity Deign to wonder?
Lord Taira no Tsunemasa Supernumerary Director of the Bureau of Horses, Left Division Governor of Awaji Exalted Fifth Rank, Lower Grade[i] 27
Right
しろたへのゆきかとみればかぜさえて月ぞしづるるすみよしのまつ
shirotae no yuki ka to mireba kaze saete tsuki zo shizururu sumiyoshi no matsu
White as mulberry cloth, I wonder, if ‘tis snow, I see— In the chill wind The moon slips from The pines of Sumiyoshi…
Lord Minamoto no Nakatsuna Governor of Oki Junior Fifth Rank, Lower Grade[ii] 28
The configuration of the Left appears elegant, but the expression ‘chiliad of trees’ was said to be impermissible by Lord Mototoshi in his judgement on a poetry competition held in a certain place. The final section, too, seems to require a bit more thought [because it’s insulting to the deity]. As for the Right, the conception of wondering if the moon’s light shining through the trees is snow slipping off them is charming, but I do wonder about the sound of ‘the moon slips’ as a piece of diction. The initial ‘white as mulberry cloth’, too, sounds like it needs further thought [because this is not used to modify ‘snow’], so these should tie.
[i]Shōgoige-gyō sauma gon-kami ken awaji no kami Taira ason Tsunemasa正五位下行左馬権頭兼淡路守平朝臣経正
[ii]Jūgoige-gyō oki no kami Minamoto ason Nakatsuna 従五位下行隠岐守源朝臣仲綱
tsukikage wa saenikerashina kamigaki ya yorube no mizu ni tsurara’iru made
The moonlight Seems so chill, that In the sacred grounds Jars of proffered water Are rimmed with icicles…
Lord Fujiwara no Kiyosuke Junior Fourth Rank, Upper Grade Without Office[1] 7
Right
つきかげにかなづるきねがころもではゆきをめぐらすここちこそすれ
tsukikage ni kanazuru kine ga koromode wa yuki o megurasu kokochi koso sure
In the moonlight Dancing, the priests’ Sleeves Stir the snow— That’s how I feel…
Lord Consultant Fujiwara no Sanetsuna Major Controller of the Left Chief Inspector of the Records of Outgoing Officials Supernumerary Governor of Awa Exalted Junior Third Rank[1] 8
In the Left’s poem, the expression ‘Jars of proffered water / Are rimmed with icicles’ appears to make for a pleasant sequence but seems to have some dubious elements. First of all, I am aware that ‘proffered water’ is mentioned in the Tale of Genji in a poem on the day of the Kamo Festival: ‘That may be, but / Even in the jars of proffered water / Might not appear’[3], but beyond that, it is not used in prior poetry.[i] The water here sounds rather crude to these ears of mine; when one is using figurative language, although it seems possible to do so about any shrine, when referring to the moon before this one, to ignore a description of ice upon the surface of the sea or the beach being spread with pure white gemstones and simply to focus on ‘jars of proffered water’ and say one feels it ‘seems so chill’—well, I do wonder about that! As for the Right’s poem, the movements of a dance have long been described as ‘flurrying snow’ in the poetry of Cathay and now here we have the moonlight appearing to ‘stir the snow’—the conception here appears truly charming, but then we have the section saying ‘Dancing, the priests’: while it’s not that this turn of phrase has never been used before, it does not sound particularly elegant. While the Left does have vague sections, its configuration as a whole is fine. Thus, I think it has to win once more.
[2]Sangi jūsan’i-gyō sadaiben ken kageyu no kami awa gonkami Fujiwara ason Sanetsuna 参議従三位行左大弁兼勘解由長官阿波権守藤原朝臣実綱
[3] This poem appears in Maboroshi 幻, the forty-first chapter of the Tale of Genji (Genji monogatari 源氏物語). It is spoken by Chūjō, one of Genji’s ladies-in-waiting, after he has found her asleep, with her clothing in disorder one morning and flirtatiously suggested, as she has struggled to get dressed, that it has been so long since he has made love that he has forgotten how. She replies: さもこそはよるべの水に水草ゐめけふのかざしよ名さへ忘るる sa mo koso wa / yorube no mizu ni / mizukusa ime / kyō no kazashi yo / na sae wasururu ‘That may be, but / In the jars of proffered water / Waterweed grows old, perhaps, yet / To say that the blossom in your hair today / Has had its name forgotten? Really…’ (Genji monogatari 573). Genji is charmed by this reply and the narrator dryly notes, ‘He seemed not to have rejected her at least’ (Tyler 2001, 773) (hitori bakari wa oboshihanatanu keshiki nari 一人ばかりをば思し放たぬけしきなり (Imaizumi, Mori, and Wokazaki 1976, 872)). The version of the poem Shunzei quotes comes from an alternate version of the Genji text, which is now not regarded as authoritative.
[i] Kubota et al. (2024, 427) note that Shunzei is mistaken here, as there are prior examples of related expressions’ usage, by Izumi Shikibu, among others. For example: …she folded some paper into the shape of an offering, wrote this upon it and sent it.神かけてきみはあらがふたれかさはよるべにたまる水といひける kami kakete / kimi wa aragau / tare ka sa wa / yorube ni tamaru / mizu to iikeru ‘Before the Gods / My Lord, dispute with you / Who would? ‘Twould be as / Proffered jars filling / With water…’ (Izumi Shikibu-shū 109).
tsuki kiyomi kai no shirane o nagamureba itsuka wa yuki ni sora wa harekeru
When at the moon, so clear, Above the white peak of Kai I gaze, I wonder When the snow Will clear from the skies…
Shun’e 55
Right
くまもなき月みるほどの心にてやがて此よをすぐしてしかな
kuma mo naki tsuki miru hodo no kokoro nite yagate kono yo o sugushiteshi kana
When the cloudless Moon I see, My heart Longs within this world To ever stay!
Lord Michiyoshi 56
While the Left does contain some feelings, these seem not to be apparent in its diction. When moonlight is confused with snow, then I would want the composition to be about a location which has none, but mentioning the ‘white peak of Kai’ makes it unclear because it sounds as the composition is about its snow. Dropping a reference to Mount Obasute and replacing it with the ‘white peak of Kai’ sounds absurd and puts me in mind of the judgement in the Poetry Match at the Palace in the Fields. With all that being said, the Right’s poem appears pointlessly pedestrian, so the Left should win, I think.
uguisu no nakitsuru nae ni kasugano no kyō no miyuki o hana to koso mire
While the warbler Sings on Kasuga Plain Today, accompanying the progress, snow As blossom does appear.[1]
16
Left (Win)
いまはしもはなとぞいはむかすがののはるのみゆきをなにとかは見む
ima wa shimo hana to zo iwamu kasugano no haru no miyuki o nani to ka wa mimu
Now, of all, The blossom, I would describe, On Kasuga Plain, as Springtime progress snow— What else can I say?
17
Right
ふるさとにゆきまじりたるはなと見ばわれにおくるなのべのうぐひす
furusato ni yukimajiritaru hana to miba ware ni okuru na nobe no uguisu
Around the ancient capital Have I gone amidst the snow— If as blossom I did see it, then, O, don’t send me off, Warbler upon the plain!
18
[1] SIS 1044 attributed to Fujiwara no Tadafusa ‘Headnote ‘Among the many poems presented by provincial officials, when the Kyōgoku Lady of the Bedchamber visited Kasuga.’
tsuki kiyomi nagamuru hito no kokoro sae kumoi ni sumeru aki no yowa kana
The moon, so pure, that Gazing folk feel Their very hearts Clearly in the heavens On an autumn midnight!
Lord Shige’ie 49
Right
のこるべきかきねの雪は先消えてほかはつもるとみゆる月かな
nokorubeki kakine no yuki wa mazu kiete hoka wa tsumoru to miyuru tsuki kana
It should be lingering On my brushwood fence, but the snow First vanishes, then Piling up elsewhere Appears moonlight!
Lord Yorimasa 50
The Left seems extremely commonplace, and simply ending ‘autumn midnight’ feels incomplete. As for the Right, what does it mean to say that ‘the snow upon my brushwood fence first vanishes’? Might it mean that because of the fence’s shadow, the moon’s light cannot be seen? It really sounds as if the poet has gone too far in his quest for unusual expressions. Then there’s ‘piling up elsewhere’ along with ‘autumn midnight’—neither of these sound superior, so it’s impossible to say which poem is.
sakurabana mikasa no yama no kage shi areba yuki to furutomo nureji to zo omou
When cherry blossom Upon Mikasa mountain Shows its shape, Even should snow fall, I’ll not get damp, I feel![1]
4
Left
このまよりはなのゆきのみちりくるはみかさのやまのもるにざるべき
ko no ma yori hana no yuki nomi chirikuru wa mikasa no yama no morunizarubeki
Between the trees Simply a snow of blossom Comes a’falling— Mikasa mountain Will certainly be covered![2]
5
Right (Win)
かすがのにゆきとふるてふはなみにぞみかさの山をさしてきにける
kasugano ni yuki to furu chō hanami ni zo mikasa no yama o sashite kinikeri
Upon Kasuga Plain, Snow falls, they say— Indeed, when viewing blossom On Mikasa mountain, an umbrella Raise up as you come!
6
[1] This is included in Shūishū (XVI: 1056) as an anonymous poem under the heading ‘Topic unknown’.
[2] This poem is included in Shinsenzaishū (II: 152), as an anonymous poem with the headnote: ‘Composed in reply to “When cherry blossom / Upon Mikasa mountain / Shows its shape, / Even should snow fall, / I’ll not get damp, I feel!”, which was among twenty-one poems by provincial officials, when the Kyōgoku Lady of the Bedchamber went to Kasuga.’
yuki fukami shizu no fuseya mo uzumorete keburi bakari zo shirushi narikeru
Snow so deep that The peasants’ huts, too, Are buried, and The smoke, alone, is Their only sign!
Kinshige 45
Right
花の春もみぢの秋もしるかりし松の木ずゑもみえぬ白雪
hana no haru momiji no aki mo shirukarishi matsu no kozue mo mienu shirayuki
By blossom is spring, and By scarlet leaves is autumn Known— The treetops of the pines Invisible with snow, so white.
Kūnin 46
The Left poem’s conception of ‘sign of smoke’ sounds particularly profound. As for the Right, it is possible for enough snow to fall to conceal a pine’s lower leaves, too, so the poem does not sound satisfying.
