akenbono wa namida ya moroki hototogisu naku ne ni otsuru mori no shitazuyu
With the dawn Are you swiftly to tears moved By the cuckoo’s Calling cries, falling from The forest drip dewdrops?
Dōchin 39
Right
今もかも昔やこふる橘の花ちる里になく郭公
ima mo kamo mukashi ya kouru tachibana no hana chiru sato ni naku hototogisu
I wonder, is she now, As in days gone by, beloved Where orange Blossom falls on the estate— The calling cuckoo?[1]
Dharma Master Nyokan 40
Both Left and Right are of the same quality, yet I wonder about the sound of the Right poem’s final section, so the Left wins.
[1] An allusive variation on: A poem by the Governor-General of Dazai, Lord Ōtomo. 橘の花散る里の霍公鳥片恋しつつ鳴く日しぞ多き tachibana no / hana chiru sato no / hototogisu / kata koishitsutsu / naku hi shi zo ōki ‘Orange / Blossom scatters round my estate where / The cuckoo / For unrequited love / Does cry on many a day…’ Ōtomo no Tabito (MYS VIII: 1473)
