sayo fukete inari no yama no sugi no ha ni shiroku mo shimo no okinikeru kana
Brief night breaks O’er Inari Mountain, and The cedar needles Turn white with frost A’falling![i]
629
[i] See: Drinking vessels [mizunomi]. いなり山しるしのすぎの年ふりてみつのみやしろ神さびにけり inariyama / shirushi no sugi no / toshi furite / mitsu no miyashiro / kamisabinikeri ‘Mount Inari’s / Symbolic cedars / Carry years’ weight: / The three sacred shrines / Are venerable, indeed!’ Bishop Yūkei (Senzaishū XVIII: 1178); and: On warblers on the road to the barrier, while at the Poetry Office. 鶯のなけどもいまだふる雪に杉の葉しろき逢坂の山 uguisu no / nakedomo imada / furu yuki ni / sugi no ha shiroki / ausaka no yama ‘The warbler / Has sung, yet still / Falling snow / Turns white the cedar needles / On the mount of Meeting Hill.’ The Senior Retired Emperor (Shinkokinshū I: 18)
uchimurete iwane ni nezasu komatsuba no kigi no chitose wa kimi zo kazoemu
Crowding At the crags’ foot, roots stretching, The dwarf pines’ needles with The trees’ thousand years— My Lord may count them all!
Cell of the Fragrant Elephant 63
Right (Win)
たとふべきものこそなけれ君がよははまのまさごもかずなからめや
tatoubeki mono koso nakere kimi ga yo wa hama no masago mo kazu nakarame ya
A suitable metaphor Is there none, at all! My Lord’s reign: Even the fair sands on the shore Would not exceed its number…
Cell of Everlasting Truth 64
Both of the Left poem’s expressions, ‘crowding’ and ‘dwarf pines’ needles’, seem to sound awkward. ‘Crowding’ is used of cranes, while it would have been preferable to say ‘the needles of the dwarf pines’. The poem of the Right is not especially charming, but it is in a familiar style, so I feel that ‘the fair sands’ number’ is superior.
I feel that ‘crowding’ is better applied to human beings. Perhaps there’s a conception here of looking down on each and every one? This is a mistake, isn’t it? In addition, what is ‘dwarf pines’ needles’? Maybe the poet is trying to say ‘the needles of the dwarf pines’? Is there a prior poem as precedent? It’s a piece of awkward-sounding diction! The Right’s poem appears straightforward, but without errors.
tsuki no sumu naniwa no ura no keshiki ni wa kami no kokoro mo taezu ya aruramu
The moon rising above The bay of Naniwa— At the scene Even the Deity’s heart Must be unable to endure…
Lord Fujiwara no Norimori Junior Fifth Rank, Lower Grade Without Office[ii] 38
The poem of the Left appears pleasant in configuration and sequencing, but it lacks any profundity of thought and simply seems to flow easily. The Right’s poem appears to have some conception, managing to follow ‘Having a sensitive heart: / To such a one would I show / The land of Tsu’[1] and also seems to sound as if it conveys the sense of the old poem about a man finding the bay of Naniwa unbearably fine[2]. With that being said, expanding this to the Deity’s heart as well is charming. Thus, the Right wins.
[1] Sent to someone’s residence, when he was in Tsu province around the beginning of the year. こころあらむ人にみせばやつのくにのなにはわたりのはるのけしきを kokoro aramu / hito ni miseba ya / tsu no kuni no / naniwa watari no / haru no keshiki o ‘I would to a sensitive / Soul show / The land of Tsu / Around Naniwa— / Truly, the scenery of spring!’ Dharma Master Dōin (GSIS I: 43)
[2] Composed as a spring poem, when he presented a hundred-poem sequence. 心なきわが身なれども津の国の難波の春にたへずも有るかな kokoro naki / wagami naredomo / tsu no kuni no / naniwa no haru ni / taezu mo aru kana ‘Insensitive / Is my sorry self, yet / In the land of Tsu / Naniwa in springtime is / Unbearably fine!’ Fujiwara no Suemichi (SZS II: 106/Kyūan hyakushu 413)
