kusamakura tabine sabishiki yamakage ni ko no ha sasoite shigure furunari
On a grassy pillow, Dozing on my travels, lonely In a mountain’s shade, The rustling of the leaves invites A shower to fall.
Hyōenosuke 81
Right (Win)
すみのえのまつがはひねをまくらにてなみうちそふるしぐれをぞきく
suminoe no matsu ga haine o makura nite nami uchisouru shigure o zo kiku
At Suminoe Upon the crawling pine roots Have I made my pillow, while Laced with the breaking waves I listen to the showers.
Lord Naganori 82
The Left’s configuration of ‘the rustling of the leaves invites’, while dozing on one’s journey in the shadow of a mountain, sounds pleasant. While I do wonder about the Right’s diction—concluding with ‘listen to the showers’—in addition to ‘laced with the breaking waves’ sounding pleasant, it also adds the conception of waves beneath ‘the pines of Suminoe’, doesn’t it. I make the Right the winner.
shigure ni wa iori mo sasaji kusamakura oto kiku tote mo nurenu sode ka wa
Caught in a shower, I’d not erect my hut, for Upon a grassy pillow Listening to the sound, still Would my sleeves be soaked!
Tsunemasa 73
Right (Win)
たまもふくいそやがしたにもるしぐれたびねのそでもしほたれよとや
tamamo fuku isoya ga shita ni moru shigure tabine no sode mo shiotareyo to ya
Thatched with gemweed is My roof upon the rocky shore, beneath it Drips a shower, so My sleeves, as I doze upon my travels, Wet with the salty tides – should I say that?
Nakatsuna 74
The Left wonders whether his sleeves would be soaked, listening to the sound of a shower after abandoning all thought of a hut and grassy pillow—this seems extremely charming, but the configuration and sequencing of the Right, beginning with ‘thatched with gemweed’ and continuing with ‘my sleeves, as I doze upon my travels, / Wet with salty tides’, is extremely moving, isn’t it! Thus I have to award a win, once more, to the poem of the Right.
The Right state: the Left’s poem seems fine. The Left state: we find no faults to mention.
In judgement: the Right’s ‘the path of dreams gets more distant’ (yumeji mo tōki) sounds elegant, but the Left’s poem has already been assessed as ‘fine’ in the comments by the gentlemen of the Right. This round I will leave the judgement in their hands and make the Left the winner.
