moshiogusa shikitsu no ura no nezame ni wa shigure ni nomi ya sode wa nurekeru
Salt-seaweed grasses grow On the beach at Shikitsu where On waking is it By the showers alone That my sleeves have dampened?
Dharma Master Shun’e 95
Right
たびねにははにふのこやのいたびさししぐれのするぞさやにきこゆる
tabine ni wa hanyū no koya no itabisashi shigure no suru zo saya ni kikoyuru
Sleeping on my travels On an ochre clay hut’s Veranda boards The falling of a shower Sounds striking!
Lord Sanekuni 96
The Left’s ‘Salt-seaweed grasses grow / On the beach at Shikitsu’ is certainly particularly charming, and really what one should say. The concluding section’s ‘By the showers alone?’, too, does not seem simplistic in conception and diction. As for the Right, while it is not the case that at ‘an ochre clay hut’s…a shower..would sound striking’ has no point to it, the Left’s poem is particularly pleasant. Thus, it wins.
kakikumori tabine no io ni shigureshite tsuyukesa masaru kusamakura kana
Clouds claw in above The hut where I doze upon my travels, and Showers fall— Dew-drenched, above all, is My grassy pillow!
Lord Shigenori 91
Right
まばらなるいほよりもりてむらしぐれをりしくならのはにぞおとする
mabara naru io yori morite murashigure orishiku nara no ha ni zo otosuru
Leaky is My hut, so dripping through come The cloudbursts; Plucked and spread the oak Leaves make such a sound!
Lord Morikata 92
The Left sounds very straightforward. The Right appears heart-rendingly desolate, but I wonder if it isn’t a bit excessive to go so far as the poet reclining on spread oak leaves which are making a sound due to the shower dripping through the hut’s roof? Then again, the Left’s latter section appears to contain little feeling, so comparing the two poems’ together, they should tie, I feel.
kusamakura onaji tabine no sode ni mata yowa no shigure mo yado wa karikeri
Needing a grassy pillow When travelling just the same as I, dozing I find my sleeves drenched even more, For the midnight shower, too, Has found lodging.
Kojijū 87
Right
いほりさすやまぢはすぎぬはつしぐれふるさとまでやめぐりゆくらむ
iori sasu yamaji wa suginu hatsushigure furusato made ya meguriyukuramu
I put up my hut Upon the mountain path that you passed by, O, first shower! As far as my ancient home I wonder, will you make your way?
Lord Sanemori 88
The poem of the Left, saying ‘When travelling just the same as I dozing, / I find my sleeves drenched even more’ and then following this with ‘For the midnight shower, too, / Has found lodging’, has an extremely charming conception and configuration. In addition to the poem of the Right also having a charming conception, it begins with ‘O, first shower!’ and then continues, ‘As far as my ancient home’, which is an effective use of diction. Nevertheless, the conception of the Left’s poem is even better and it wins.
naniwagata ashi no maroya no tabine ni wa shigure wa noki no shizuku ni zo shiru
In Naniwa’s tidelands, In a reed-roofed hut, Dozing on my travels— A shower by the eaves Dripping droplets is revealed!
Lord Tsunemori 85
Right
つのくにのこやのたびねにしぐれしてなにかはもらむあしのやへぶき
tsu no kuni no koya no tabine ni shigureshite nani ka wa moramu ashi no yaebuki
In the land of Tsu In Koya, in a hut dozing on my travels During a shower— Will anything drip through My roof’s eightfold thatch?
Lord Yorisuke 86
Both Left and Right are set in a traveller’s lodge in Sesshū province, but the Left appears to lack configuration and conception, it has long been said that using four of the character in a poem in a poetry match is a fault, but it does not sound to me as if the four uses of no here are a particular problem. With that being said, starting with ‘dozing on my travels’ [tabine ni wa]and then having ‘a shower by the eaves’ [shigure ni wa] uses wa twice and this seems to sound a bit discordant. The Right, while it refers to the same sort of shower from a cloudless sky, starts with ‘during a shower’ and follows this with ‘will anything drip through?’, which seems to sound a bit contradictory. I can’t help but feel it would have been better had it been ‘even though it showers’ and then had ‘will anything’. However, both poems are about reed roofed huts during a shower and it really is difficult to distinguish between them. Thus, I make this a tie.
kusamakura tabine sabishiki yamakage ni ko no ha sasoite shigure furunari
On a grassy pillow, Dozing on my travels, lonely In a mountain’s shade, The rustling of the leaves invites A shower to fall.
Hyōenosuke 81
Right (Win)
すみのえのまつがはひねをまくらにてなみうちそふるしぐれをぞきく
suminoe no matsu ga haine o makura nite nami uchisouru shigure o zo kiku
At Suminoe Upon the crawling pine roots Have I made my pillow, while Laced with the breaking waves I listen to the showers.
Lord Naganori 82
The Left’s configuration of ‘the rustling of the leaves invites’, while dozing on one’s journey in the shadow of a mountain, sounds pleasant. While I do wonder about the Right’s diction—concluding with ‘listen to the showers’—in addition to ‘laced with the breaking waves’ sounding pleasant, it also adds the conception of waves beneath ‘the pines of Suminoe’, doesn’t it. I make the Right the winner.
shigure moru tabine no toko wa hanazome no tamoto zo saki ni mazu kaerikeru
A shower drips upon me As I doze upon my journey-bed; Blossom-dyed, My sleeves, before me, Have first returned to what they were!
Masahira 75
Right (Win)
はなれゆくみやこをおもふひとりねのなみだをさそふはつしぐれかな
hanareyuku miyako o omou hitorine no namida o sasou hatsushigure kana
Distant has grown The capital, but it fills my thoughts, Sleeping solo, My tears invited by The first shower!
Chikashige 76
The configuration of the Left’s poem appears charming, but it would have sounded more so had there been a reason why ‘my sleeves, before’ had returned to the capital on the journey. The diction and conception of the Right’s poem, beginning with ‘distant has grown’ and leading to ‘tears invited’, is extremely pleasant. It seems the Right wins.
shigure ni wa iori mo sasaji kusamakura oto kiku tote mo nurenu sode ka wa
Caught in a shower, I’d not erect my hut, for Upon a grassy pillow Listening to the sound, still Would my sleeves be soaked!
Tsunemasa 73
Right (Win)
たまもふくいそやがしたにもるしぐれたびねのそでもしほたれよとや
tamamo fuku isoya ga shita ni moru shigure tabine no sode mo shiotareyo to ya
Thatched with gemweed is My roof upon the rocky shore, beneath it Drips a shower, so My sleeves, as I doze upon my travels, Wet with the salty tides – should I say that?
Nakatsuna 74
The Left wonders whether his sleeves would be soaked, listening to the sound of a shower after abandoning all thought of a hut and grassy pillow—this seems extremely charming, but the configuration and sequencing of the Right, beginning with ‘thatched with gemweed’ and continuing with ‘my sleeves, as I doze upon my travels, / Wet with salty tides’, is extremely moving, isn’t it! Thus I have to award a win, once more, to the poem of the Right.
kari no io wa sosoku shigure mo tomaraneba tsuyuwakegoromo hoshi zo kanetsuru
Upon my crude hut, Dripping, the showers, too, Never cease, so My dew-soaked garb To dry is impossible!
Kyō 71
Right
さらぬだにたびねのとこはつゆけきにいかにせよとてうちしぐるらむ
saranu dani tabine no toko wa tsuyukeki ni ika ni seyo tote uchishigururamu
Even ‘twere not to be, My journey-bed is Drenched with dew, so What am I to do, Beneath these falling showers?
Suehiro 72
The Left has ‘dripping, the showers, too’, while the Right has ‘what am I to do’ and so forth—while neither of these is poor in terms of conception and diction, the initial section of the Right sounds extremely commonplace, thus the Left’s conception of agonizing over the being unable to dry dew-soaked garb is slightly superior in the current context.
kishi chikami tabine no toko o utsu nami no kaeru hima ni zo shigure to wa shiru
Close by the coast My journey’s bed is Struck by waves; In the space as they withdraw, I know that showers are falling.
Dharma Master Yūsei 63
Right
しばのとをたたくあらしのおとにまたしぐれうちそふたびのよはかな
shiba no to o tataku arashi no oto ni mata shigure uchisou tabi no yowa kana
Upon my brushwood door The storm wind came a’knocking; The sound then Laced with showers, At midnight on my travels!
Norimori 64
In the Left’s poem, it sounds as if the shower is continuing to fall quietly, yet it then appears to have the conception that one knows the showers are falling in the gaps between the waves breaking. In the Right’s poem, ‘The storm wind came a’knocking; / The sound then’ sounds charming, but I do wonder about how it looks to have lines beginning beginning with both ‘brushwood door’ [shiba no to] and ‘showers’ [shigure]. Thus, again, these tie.
tabinesuru koya no shinoya no hima o nami moranu shigure ni nururu sode kana
Dozing on my journey In Koya, beneath dwarf-bamboo thatch, No gaps has it, so No drips fall from the showers, yet Still my sleeves are soaked!
Kunisuke 61
Right
しぐれつつものぞかなしきわすれぐさまくらにむすぶきしのたびねは
shiguretsutsu mono zo kanashiki wasuregusa makura ni musubu kishi no tabine wa
In the ever-falling showers, I am sad, indeed, so Of forgetful day-lily My pillow will I weave, Napping on my travels by the coast…
Horikawa 62
The Left’s poem is not bad in configuration and diction, but I would have preferred it had it said ‘no drips fall from the showers, too, yet’. As for the Right, saying that one is napping on one’s travels on the coast at Sumiyoshi, having woven a pillow from forgetful day-lilies does, indeed, sound evocative, but it would have been more so had there been a reason for the reference to day-lilies earlier in the poem. These tie, don’t they.
