On the 21st day of the Fifth Month Tenroku 4 [973], former emperor En’yū, who was then the sovereign, visited the Princess of the First Order [Shishi 資子] and, following a loss at a game with go counters, on the 7th day of the Seventh Month, the Princess had a fan wrapped in thin cloth and presented to the imperial pantry.
天の川河辺涼しき七夕に扇の風を猶やかさまし
ama no kaFa
kaFabe suzusiki
tanabata ni
aFugi no kaze wo
naFo ya kasamasi
On the River of Heaven’s
Shore, cool
In early autumn
Is this fan’s breeze:
I wonder, should I lend it you more?
iro ni idashi
koto no ha mo mina
karehatete
namida o chirasu
kaze no oto kana
The bright hues of passion
In these leaves and your words
Have all withered away;
Tears scattering with
The sound of the wind…
Lord Takanobu.
930
The Right state: ‘Breeze: whither’ (kaze izukata e) seems lacking. The Left state: the Right’s poem has no faults to indicate.
In judgement: in the Left’s poem, I wonder whether ‘breeze: wither’ really is lacking. ‘This pleasant’ (kokoro no ai) would seem to be an expression deriving from ‘At the head of the road’. I seem to recall it coming after ‘In Kofu in Takefu / Will I be’, but that is not a suitable source. The Right’s poem, as the Gentlemen of the Left have said, appears to have no faults. It should win.
The Right state they have no criticisms of the Left’s poem. The Left merely say that the Right’s poem is ‘old-fashioned’.
Shunzei’s judgement: The Left’s ‘dew drops’ (tsuyu no tama) falling so widely at Sayo-no-Nakayama one can surmise to be deeply expressive of the concept of travel. The Right’s Akashi Bay is a place strongly associated with the sad sound of the wind and the waves, but the final ‘makes even more fall’ (ochimasarikeru) is insufficient. Thus, the Left should win.
The Gentlemen of the Right state: the Left’s poem has no faults. The Gentlemen of the Left state: the Right’s poem is pedestrian [tsune no koto nari].
Shunzei’s judgement: the sound of ‘Bamboo by the river, leaves streaming’ (kawatake no nabiku), leading to ‘the three worlds’ Buddhas’ (miyo no hotoke) is not a particularly good expression. In the Right’s poem, if it was changed to ‘the disappearance of one’s sins is pleasant, but’ (tsumi no kiyuru koto wa ureshiki o), this would be more in line with the conception of the final section of the poem. By beginning ‘how pleasant that’ (ureshiku mo) it sounds as if the poet is pleased to bear another year, too. I wonder, is ‘bamboo by the river’ a recollection of the Palace Gardens? The Left should win.
The Right wonder about the appropriateness of ‘mixed’ (majirishi). The Left complain that the Right’s poem ‘does not contain an expression from the topic [dai no ji]’ and wonder about the appropriateness of this in a poetry competition.
Shunzei’s judgement: ‘This is a sleet-filled sky, indeed!’ (kore wa mizore no sora naran) is charming, but the latter section of the poem, saying that blossoms fall during a shower is quite pedestrian [tsune no koto ni aran]. I also wonder about the appropriateness of ‘mixed with rain?’ (ame ya majirishi) as a choice of poetic diction [uta kotoba]. Having ‘Around the blossom in spring showers’ (hana no atari no harusame wa), and then ‘The winter skies, too, have such things…’ (fuyu no sora ni mo arikeru mono o) is extremely charming. Even without the explicit reference to the topic, one can certainly glimpse the sleet. The Right should win.