kokoro are ya kaki na kurashi so hatsushigure mada sashihatezu shiba no kari’io
Have some sympathy, And bring no darkness, O, first shower! For I have yet to finish putting up My crude brushwood hut…
Lord Suetsune 77
Right (Win)
すみよしのまつがしたねのたびまくらしぐれもかぜにききまがへつつ
sumiyoshi no matsu ga shita ne no tabimakura shigure mo kaze ni kikimagaetsutsu
At Sumiyoshi Beneath the pines, their roots are My journey-pillow, as The shower, too, with the gusting wind I hear blending together.
Takanobu 78
The Left’s latter section, which states that the poet has ‘yet to finish putting up’ his hut, has a truly charming configuration as a poem on the conception of travel, but the phrase ‘have some sympathy’ does not appear to be a conception which has prior precedent. It could be a way of expressing the emotion through the shower. As for the Right, while I do question the sound of ‘journey-pillow’, it is the case that in Cathay-style poems this appears, but what are we do to about the fact that this is not ‘pillow on my journey’, I wonder? The sequencing of ‘the shower, too, with the wind’ is pleasant, isn’t it. Thus, I make the Right the winner.
kusamakura shigure mo sode o nurashikeri miyako o kouru namida naranedo
On a pillow of grass The showers, too, my sleeves Have soaked; Longing for the capital These tears are not, yet…
Hiromori 69
Right
かりいほさすならのからはのむらしぐれあはれはまきのおとばかりかは
kari’io sasu nara no karawa no murashigure aware wa maki no oto bakari ka wa
Erecting a crude hut, The withered leaves of oak are Struck by cloudbursts; Does sadness in the evergreens’ Sound solely lie?
Dharma Master Chikyō 70
Both Left and Right appear to have elegant configuration and diction, but the Left seems to presents the soaking of sleeves by showers as something novel, while the Right gives a feeling that it is only the sound of evergreens that makes one sad. Thus, these tie.
shigure moru kari’io ni nurete hosu koromo nagai no ama wa tori ya tagaemu
Drenched by showers, In my crude hut my soaked Robe I dry— Might a fisherman from Nagai Take it by mistake?
Koretsuna 65
Right (Win)
ひとりねのあはれひまなきたびごろもしぐれはれてもそではぬれけり
hitorine no aware himanaki tabigoromo shigure haretemo sode wa nurekeri
Sleeping solo with No break from my sorrow, My traveller’s robe, Even should the showers clear, Would have soaking sleeves…
Suesada 66
The configuration of the Left is extremely charming, but I do wonder about starting with a sorrowful journey in the showers and then taking a robe by mistake! The conception of the Right, starting with endless sorrow and then saying, ‘even should the showers clear’, seems pleasant. It seems that the Right wins.
