The Right state: it sounds as if the silver-grass after withering make no sound. The Left state: the expression ‘flow dammed into a pool’ (fuchi to seku se) is odd.
In judgement: the Left is not saying that silver-grass makes no sound after withering, but that there is no wind. The Right’s ‘flow dammed into a pool’ is certainly not poor, but the final section sounds clumsy. The Left’s poem is better. It should win.
The Right state that the Left’s poem sounds ‘very hackneyed’ [ito, furumekashi], while the Left complain that they cannot hear the link between ‘when I am forgotten’ (wasuraren) and the subsequent material [tsuzukite mo kikoezu].
Shunzei’s judgement: While the Left’s poem may sound hackneyed, there is not a previous example which it resembles closely [sashite sono uta to wa kikoezu]. At the same time, it is extremely tasteful in form [utazama wa yū narubeshi]. Thus, the Left wins.
The Gentlemen of the Right state: the Left’s poem is most moving. The Right’s poem, the Gentlemen of the Left state, is fine.
Shunzei’s judgement: the Left’s poem has one counting to the end of the moon’s transits through the sky, while the Right has clouds parting from a mountain peak being the poet’s thoughts given form. Both poems are elegant in configuration and diction, but the Right’s ‘even the clouds’ (kumo ni dani) does not fit with the ending. The Left maintains its connections from beginning to end. Thus, I make it the winner.
Left and Right both say their opponent’s poem expresses the truth of the matter.
Shunzei’s judgement: the Left’s poem, in addition to drawing upon earlier work, seems technically accomplished. The Right’s poem does express a form of truth, yet would one really wish to know so much? The Left wins.
Left and Right state: the contents of both poems are fine.
Shunzei’s judgement: the conception and configuration of both poems is elegant, and the Left’s ‘from the mugwort leaf-tips, the dewdrops’ (yomogyū no sueba no tsuyu) sounds fine. The Left should win.
The Left and Right remarks are the same in essence as those of the previous round.
Shunzei’s judgement: the Left’s poem certainly is a deeply moving account of a vow lasting over a long period. In the Right’s poem, the use of ‘just’ (sae) prior to ‘the focus of my thoughts’ (omoinarikere) is inappropriate. The Left has definitely won.
The Gentlemen of the Left and Right both state that they find no faults worth mentioning with the opposing poem.
Shunzei’s judgement: the style of both poems seems pleasant [fūtei wa yoroshiku miehaberu], but the conception contained in the Left’s poem is not fully expressed by its diction. The Right’s rotted sleeves should be ‘like the sacred grove’s boundary cord’ (mori no shimenawa no tameshi to ya), but the poet makes his own sleeves the focus. This reference to ‘sacred grove’s boundary cord’ also sounds somewhat impious. ‘The bell of Onoe’ should win.
The Gentlemen of the Left and Right state the opposing team’s poem lacks thought.
Shunzei’s judgement: The Left draws excessively on conceits of Kyushu. In the Right’s poem, ‘confusion in the fields’ (nobe no mayoi) does not seem to lead anywhere. Both of these poems lack any real conception other than their use of conceits. The round ties.