Both Left and Right say the other team’s poem is ‘not bad’ [ashikaranu].
Shunzei’s judgement: While the initial section of the Left’s poem is splendid [yū], I feel that the later ‘How ancient are’ (sa mo toshi fukaki) goes too far [sa made mo haberazaran]. The Right’s ‘Why is it that’ (ikanareba) is an expression I am unable to accept [shokisubekarazu], the later ‘pines’ rustling in the wind’ (matsu shi mo kaze no) sounds most fine, does it not? Thus, the Right should win.
The Right state that the Left’s initial line makes their poemsound like a reply. In addition, the final line is ‘overly forceful’ [itau tsuyoku]. The Left merely comment that the Right’s use of ‘sparrow’ (suzume) is ‘inappropriate’.
Shunzei’s judgement: Even though the Left’s poem is not a reply, starting with ‘I would go a’calling’ (toekashi na) is common in the reply style [zōtōtei]. In addition, ‘Winter Mornings’ is not a topic which one needs to approach obliquely. There are only the good and bad points of the poetry. ‘From underneath the eaves to the sparrows’ chirps have I grown accustomed’ (noki no uchi ni suzume no koe wa naruru) is not an expression much used about morning snow. However, the final section of the poem appears fine. ‘Sparrows’ chirps’ (suzume no koe) is, perhaps, somewhat colloquial [zoku no chikaku]. Despite the comment by the gentlemen of the Right that the final section of the Left’s poem is ‘overly forceful’, it is a better ‘Winter Morning’ poem.
The Right say the Left’s poem ‘isn’t bad’ [ashikarazu]. The Left say the Right’s poem is ‘commonplace’ [tsune no koto nari].
Shunzei’s judgement: Although the Left’s ‘unending is the breakfasts’ smoke – and even that’ (taenu asake no kemuri sae) is lacking in poetic qualities [utashina no naku wa haberedo], the gentlemen of the Right have judged it not to be bad. As for the Right, if a storm blows through a garden, even if there is no snow, surely there would be some trace of it, wouldn’t there? The Left should win.
Neither the Left nor the Right find any fault with the other’s poems this round.
Shunzei’s judgement: Although the Left’s ‘wondering at the fall of snow glimpsed’ (tsumoru ka to mietsuru yuki mo) sounds as if a first fall of snow turns into sleet later, the latter part of the poem’s conception and diction are most fine [shimo no ku no kokoro kotoba koso yoroshiku haberumere]. The Right initially makes one wonder if it is snow falling, and then has ‘the shower its very hue’ (shigure mo iro no). Neither initially nor finally is there a mention of sleet. The Left’s ‘gazing at the sight is sad’ seems particularly good, too. Thus, the Left wins.
The Right wonder about the appropriateness of ‘mixed’ (majirishi). The Left complain that the Right’s poem ‘does not contain an expression from the topic [dai no ji]’ and wonder about the appropriateness of this in a poetry competition.
Shunzei’s judgement: ‘This is a sleet-filled sky, indeed!’ (kore wa mizore no sora naran) is charming, but the latter section of the poem, saying that blossoms fall during a shower is quite pedestrian [tsune no koto ni aran]. I also wonder about the appropriateness of ‘mixed with rain?’ (ame ya majirishi) as a choice of poetic diction [uta kotoba]. Having ‘Around the blossom in spring showers’ (hana no atari no harusame wa), and then ‘The winter skies, too, have such things…’ (fuyu no sora ni mo arikeru mono o) is extremely charming. Even without the explicit reference to the topic, one can certainly glimpse the sleet. The Right should win.
The Right wonder about the appropriateness of having a ‘view’ (nagame) of frost burn. The Left suggest that ‘depths of winter’ sounds a poor expression [kikiyokarazu] [because ‘depths of night’ was a more standard usage].
Shunzei’s judgement: Both poems refer to the many colours (iroiro) of the blooms of autumn, and this is certainly not lacking in taste [yūnarazaru ni wa arazu]. When gazing over the frost-burned winter fields, saying ‘even that view’ (nagame made) is not a fault as such [toga nakarubekeredomo], but I feel it would be better to avoid encompassing everything within a ‘view’. On ‘depths of winter’ (fuyu fukuru), we have the same old opinion that it ‘sounds poor’ but, I ask you, what sounds poor about it? What is to be criticised in ‘depths of winter’? As a piece of diction, ‘depths’ (fukuru) can be used about anything. Thus, the Right must win.
The Right find no fault with the Left’s poem this round. The Left query whether ‘blanket of chill’ (samushiro) is not somewhat forced.
Shunzei’s judgement: While ‘Old Man Chrysanth’ (okinagusa) is a formulation I find myself particularly unable to accept, the conception produced by ‘winter warden for the fields’ (fuyu no nomori) is most tasteful [fuyu no nomori to omoiyoreru kokoro wa yūtarubeshi]. The final section, ‘By frost unburned’ (shimo ni shi karenu) is extremely fine in both diction and configuration [sugata kotoba ito yoroshiku miehaberu], but this makes it all the more regrettable that a thin blanket is turned into a chill one. In this poem, one really needs a coverlet! The ‘winter warden for the fields’ should win.
The Right state that the Left’s poem expresses the topic only in its initial part. The Left comment that the Right’s poem is ‘little different from’ [Minamoto no] Koremitsu (d.1127)’s poem:
霜枯るゝ花とも見ずは白菊の移ろふ色を歎かさらまし
shimogaruru
hana to mo mizu wa
shiragiku no
utsurou iro o
nagekazaramashi
If frost-burned
Flowers I failed to spot,
White chrysanthemums’
Shifting hues
Might not cause me grief…
Shunzei’s judgement: The criticism that ‘the Left’s poem expresses the topic only in its initial part’ is pointless. It is common practice [tsune no narai] in poetry for the topic to be mentioned the initial part of a poem, and not in the latter; or not mentioned initially and then referred to in the final section. This section, too, just as in the Right’s poem in Winter I: 9, follows the Theory of the Five Elements. On the fact of the Right’s poem resembling Koremitsu’s: as I have said before, it is difficult to entirely avoid reference to poems outside of the Anthologies. However, if this is a poem on the topic of ‘lingering chrysanthemums’ from the Poetry Contest held in the younger years of the Lord of Hosshōji, that is all the more reason to avoid it. Thus, although in form [sama de] it may be somewhat lacking, the Left’s poem is most tasteful [yū ni haberubeshi]. The Left wins.
Neither Left nor Right have any criticisms to make.
Shunzei’s judgement: Both poems are on ‘violet chrysanthemums’, and the Left’s ‘Chrysanthemums show not their age’ (kiku wa oisenu) is elegant [yū naru], but in terms of diction [kotoba] I find myself unable to accept [shokisubekarazu] ‘hue shines out’ (iro haete). The Right’s ‘Show the shift to winter – such is their hue!’ (fuyu ni utsurou iro ni zo arikeru), sounds pleasant [yoroshiku kikoe habere] and is in line with the Theory of the Five Elements. Violet is a colour obtained by adding black to red. Thus, it is a suitable hue to place between Autumn and Winter. The Right have composed upon such a conception most naturally [sono kokoro shizen ni yomaretaru]. It seems he is most knowledgeable about the elemental turning of the seasons [go gyō no rinten o shireru ni nitari]. The poem is pleasant in conception and configuration [kokoro sugata yoroshiki]. Again, the Right should win.