Partings at Dawn
Left
ひとしれぬわがみとおもへばあかつきのとりとともにやなきてかへらん
| hito shirenu wa ga mi to omoeba akatsuki no tori to tomo ni ya nakite kaeran | No one knew Of my sorry state, I thought, so With the dawn Birds’ chorus should I, Sobbing, make my way home? |
20
Right
ひとしれずあかでわかるるあかつきにうちなきそふるをしのこゑかな
| hito shirezu akade wakaruru akatsuki ni uchinaki souru oshi no koe kana | No one knows How unsatisfied I am to part With the dawn Sobs overlaying The cries of the mandarin ducks! |
21
Composed on the conception of love, when he presented a hundred poem sequence during the reign of former emperor Horikawa.
ひとり寝る我にて知りぬ池水につがはぬ鴛の思ふ心を
| hitori nuru ware nite shirinu ikemizu ni tsugawanu oshi no omou kokoro o | Sleeping alone, I know so well: Atop the pond waters An unmated mandarin’s Heartfelt feelings… |
Major Counsellor Kinzane
Left.
憂しつらし安積の沼の草の名よかりにも深き縁は結ばで
| ushi tsurashi asaka no numa no kusa no na yo kari ni mo fukaki en wa musubade |
How cruel and cold! At Asaka Marsh The once seen reeds do grow; Briefly, a deep Bond will not be made. |
645
Right.
かゝりける姿の池の鴛の聲聞きては袖の濡れし數かは
| kakarikeru sugata no ike no oshi no koe kikite wa sode no nureshi kazu ka wa |
Such a Form! On Sugata Pond The loving mandarin duck calls I hear and my sleeves: Drenched how many times? |
646
Neither team has any criticisms this round.
Shunzei’s judgement: ‘The Left’s ‘At Asaka Marsh’ (asaka no numa) and the Right’s ‘On Sugata Pond the loving mandarin duck calls’ (sugata no ike no oshi no koe) are both tasteful in diction [yū no kotoba ni wa haberu], but beginning with ‘How cruel and cold!’ (ushi tsurashi) sounds like the poet is writing a love letter, and this is overly informal for a poetry competition [uta’awase ni wa kegen naru yō ni ya haberan]. ‘On Sugata Pond the loving mandarin duck calls’ is charming, but why did the poet not continue with ‘I did hear and my sleeves’ (kikishi wa sode no)? In any case, this round neither poem is markedly superior to the other.
