Scarlet Leaves and Daytime
Round Three
Left
朝霧のはれ行くままにもみぢ葉はあかねさしてぞ色まさりける
| asagiri no hareyuku mama ni momijiba wa akanesashite zo iro masarikeru | As the morning mists Are clearing away The autumn leaves Shine madder red, Their hue the best of all. |
Daishin
5
Right
月草の色どる比はかへれどもははそのもみぢこころにぞしむ
| tsukikusa no irodoru koro wa kaeredomo hahaso no momiji kokoro ni zo shimu | At times the moon-grass’ Fair hues Will shift, yet those of The oaks in autumn Pierce right to the heart! |
His Excellency Akinaka
6
The Left poem’s sequencing isn’t bad, but ‘shining madder red’ has, since ancient times, been used of the sun in poetry, while here it is simply ‘Shine madder red, / Their hue the best of all’. It gives the impression that there is some emotion missing. In a poem for this type of poetry match, I wonder if omitting a single element like this is a grave fault? Even so, I have no recollection of a poem being composed in this manner in any poetry match which people have used for reference from days gone by. In addition, the Right’s ‘At times the moon-grass’ / Fair hues / Will shift, yet’ and what follows shows little evidence of poetic cultivation, so in sum, it’s difficult to say anything here.
