Sleet
夕されば雪ふるさとの柴の庵しづくにてこそみぞれとはしれ
| yūsareba yuki furu sato no shiba no ya wa shizuku nite koso mizore to wa shire | When the evening comes Snow falling upon the estate’s Brushwood rooves Forms droplets and I know ‘tis sleet. |
Minamoto no Akinaka
源顕仲
Tag Archives: shizuku
Kokin rokujō I: 195
Love VI: 24
Left (Win).
深き夜の軒の雫をかぞへても猶あまりぬる袖の雨哉
| fukaki yo no noki no shizuku o kazoetemo nao amari nuru sode no ame kana |
Late at night, From my eaves the droplets I number up, but Still much more drenching Is the rainfall on my sleeves. |
A Servant Girl.
947
Right.
雲とづる宿の軒端の夕ながめ戀よりあまる雨の音哉
| kumo tozuru yado no nokiba no yū nagame koi yori amaru ame no oto kana |
Closed in with cloud, From my dwelling’s eaves I gaze out in the evening; Overwhelming my love Is the sound of rain… |
Nobusada.
948
The Right state: the Left’s poem has no faults. The Left state: we do not understand the Right’s poem at all.
In judgement: the Left’s poem commences with ‘late at night’ (fukaki yo no) and then continues with mention of raindrops – this sounds extremely effective. The Right’s poem, too, starts ‘closed in with cloud’ (kumo tozuru) and concludes with ‘the sound of rain’ (ame no oto kana), which sounds charming, but because the poem is said to be ‘incomprehensible’ or ‘grating on the ear’, despite being one with both a significant conception and an unusual sound, there is no reason for me to shoehorn in my own views, even if much has been overlooked, so this round I will leave it at, the Right is entirely incomprehensible and the Left without fault. Thus, the Left wins.
Horikawa hyakushu 386
Love IV: 17
Left (Win).
大方の露は干る間ぞ別れける我が袖一つ殘る雫に
| ōkata no tsuyu wa hiruma zo wakarekeru wa ga sode hitotsu nokoru shizuku ni |
In general, The dew would daytime dry become While we are parted, but On my sleeves alone Remain droplets… |
Lord Sada’ie.
813
Right.
明ぬればひると聞しをいかなれば戀する袖は濡れまさる覧
| akenureba hiru to kikishi o ika nareba koisuru sode wa nuremasaruran |
When daylight comes Dry they should be, I heard, but Why is it, then, that The sleeves of one in love are So exceedingly damp? |
Lord Tsune’ie.
814
The Right state: the conception of the Left’s poem is somewhat unclear. The Left state: the contents of the Right’s poem are pedestrian.
In judgement: is the conception of the Left’s poem, of the droplets remaining on one’s sleeves throughout the day being dewfall really that unclear? On hearing the Right’s akenureba hiru, I wondered what had happened to the morning? In addition, just having hiru and not hiruma is confusing. The poem does not say enough.
Love IV: 7
Left.
今朝よりはさらば涙にまかせてん絞り逢ふべき袖の雫か
| kesa yori wa saraba namida ni makaseten shiboriaubeki sode no shizuku ka |
From this morning Should it be that my tears I will just let fall, for I cannot wring out These droplets from my sleeves… |
Lord Suetsune.
793
Right.
我ごとく人や戀しき見るまゝにやがてしぼるゝ朝顔の花
| ware gotoku hito ya koishiki miru mama ni yagate shiboruru asagao no hana |
As much as I Is there anyone in love? While watching, Soon enough languish, The morning glory blooms… |
Lord Takanobu.
794
The Right state: is saying ‘From this morning’ (kesa yori wa) suggesting that the feelings have particularly arisen this morning? In response: this is simply the style of poetry. It is commonplace to use expressions such as ‘today it is that’ (kyō wa sa wa) or ‘now it is that’ (ima wa sa wa). The Left state: the initial two lines of the Right’s poem pay no attention to style.
In judgement: the Left’s poem, commencing ‘From this morning’ (kesa yori wa) and then saying ‘Should it be that my tears’ (saraba namida ni) does not seem poor. I do wonder about the final ‘These droplets from my sleeves’ (sode no shizuku ka), though. As for the Right’s poem, I do not feel that the initial two lines lack attention to style. The entirety of both teams comments display no knowledge of poetry, and fail to identify the merits or faults of the opposing poems. I feel that both the Left and the Right poems this round are elegant. Thus, the round should tie.