A travel poem, included in a hundred poem sequence sent to be read by the Monk En’i.
岩根ふみ峰の椎柴折りしきて雲に宿かるゆふぐれの空
| iFane Fumi mine no siFisiba worisikite kumo ni yadokaru yuFugure no sora |
Treading ‘cross the deep-rooted crags From brushwood on the peak I break branches and spread them Making my lodging beneath the clouds Gazing at the evening skies… |
Jakuren
Left.
山人の便りなりとも岡邊なる椎の小枝は折ずもあらなむ
| yamabito no tayori naritomo okabenaru shii no koyade wa orazu mo aranamu |
For the mountain folk Essential they may be, but Upon the hillside The brushwood branches I would have them leave unbroken… |
567
Right.
山深く賤の折りたく椎柴の音さへ寒き朝ぼらけかな
| yama fukaku shizu no oritaku shiishiba no oto sae samuki asaborake kana |
Deep within the mountains Woodsmen break and burn The brushwood; That sound brings the chill To me this dawning… |
568
The Right wonder what the intention is in the Left’s poem of regretting the breakage of ‘brushwood branches’. The Left say that the Right’s poem, ‘recalls a famous poem by one of the other gentlemen of the Right.’
Shunzei’s judgement: Simply using the old-fashioned koyade in place of the more current shiishiba does not improve the sound of the poem, I think. Starting ‘Deep within the mountains’ (yama fukaku) and then continuing ‘Woodsmen break and burn’ (shizu no oritaku) – is this supposed to convey the conception of felling trees [shiba o koru kokoro ni ya]? I hardly think that if one lived in the mountains, the sound of trees being cut and burnt would make one feel the chill. The diction of ‘deep within the mountains’ does not seem appropriate [‘yama fukaku’ no kotoba, kanai mo sezaru]. Given that it does sound old-fashioned, koyade does not sound like a winner, either. The poems are of equal quality.
Left.
山里の寂しさ思ふ煙ゆへ絶え絶え立てる峯の椎柴
| yamazato no sabishisa omou keburi yue taedae tateru mine no shiishiba |
That mountain dwelling’s Loneliness feeling, The smoke, Rising in sporadic strands: The brushwood on the peak… |
565
Right (Win).
冬籠る草の戸ざしは霜枯れてま近き山の峯の椎柴
| fuyugomoru kusa no tozashi wa shimogarete majikaki yama no mine no shiishiba |
Sealed in winter The blockading grasses are Seared by frost, and How much closer is the mountain Peak’s brushwood. |
566
Both teams say that the conceptions of the two poems resemble each other closely [kokoro hōfutsu].
Shuzei’s judgement: The Left, by starting, ‘That mountain dwelling’s loneliness feeling, the smoke’ (yamazato no sabishisa omou keburi yue) sounds as if it is the brushwood itself which has some sensitivity to the situation, and are rising up from time to time. I wonder about that. The Right’s evergreen groves ‘nearing the mountain’ (majikaki yama) is what should win.
Left (Win).
清水もる谷の戸ぼそも閉ぢはてゝ氷を叩く嶺の松風
| shimizu moru tani no toboso mo tojihatete kōri o tataku mine no matsukaze |
Where spring waters flow From out the valley mouth Is stopped; Against the ice strikes The wind from off the pine-filled peaks. |
563
Right.
梢にも夜半の白雪積もるらし音弱り行嶺の松風
| kozue ni mo yowa no shirayuki tsumorurashi oto yowariyuku mine no matsukaze |
The treetops, too, Within the snows tonight Are buried, it seems: The sounds have softened of The wind from off the pine-filled peaks. |
564
Neither Left nor Right find any fault.
Shunzei’s judgement: The phrasing of both poems, such as ‘wind from off the pine-filled peaks’ (mine no matsukaze), ‘Against the ice strikes’ (kōri o tataku) and ‘sounds have softened’ (oto yowariyuku), has not particular strong or weak points [kōotsu nakuhaberedo], but still, ‘against the ice strikes’ seems a little superior.
Left.
雪埋む松を緑に吹返し見せも聞かせも山おろしの風
| yuki uzumu matsu o midori ni fukikaeshi mise mo kikase mo yama oroshi no kaze |
Buried in the snows, The pines to green Are blown back, Sight and sound both from The wind down the mountains. |
561
Right.
さえさえて梢の雲を返す也尾上の松の雪の浦風
| saesaete kozue no kumo o kaesu nari onoue no matsu no yuki no urakaze |
Frozen with chill, The treetop-touching clouds Fly away; The pines of Onoue, Blown free from the snows by the wind from off the bay… |
562
Neither team finds any fault with the other’s poem.
Shunzei’s judgement: This round the poems of Left and Right both describe memorable scenes. The Left’s ‘pines to green are blown back’ (matsu o midori ni fukikaeshi) and the Right’s ‘pines of Onoue, blown free from the snows by the wind from off the bay’ (onoue no matsu no yuki no urakaze) are equivalently excellent in conception and diction [kokoro kotoba shōretsu naku miehaberi]. This must be a tie of quality [yoki ji].
Left (Win).
吉野山篠の假寢に霜冴えて松風早し深ぬ此夜は
| yoshinoyama suzu no karine ni shimo saete matsukaze hayashi fukenu kono yo wa |
Upon Mt Yoshino, In fitful sleep upon a bed of bamboo, The frost falls chill, indeed, and The wind gusts through the pines, With the fall of night. |
559
Right.
外山なる柴の編戸は風過て霰横ぎる松の音かな
| toyamanaru shiba no amido wa kaze sugite arare yokogiru matsu no oto kana |
On the mountains’ edge My woven brushwood door Is pierced by the wind; Hearing hail blown horizontal Against the pines… |
560
Both Left and Right are exaggerated in their insistence that the other’s poem lacks any faults.
Shunzei’s judgement: The Left’s ‘Upon Mt Yoshino, in fitful sleep upon a bed of bamboo’ (yoshinoyama suzu no karine ni) would seem to suggest an ascetic who, having travelled into the mountains, has made himself a hut from bamboo and pillowed upon the tree roots, would it not? But here he seems to have simply cut them down, spread them out and lain upon them! In addition, ‘The wind gusts through the pines’ (matsukaze hayashi) fails to sound elegant [yū ni shi kikoezaru]. The Right, by starting with ‘On the mountains’ edge’ (toyamanaru), suggests that the poet is speaking of his own dwelling’s door in the mountains. ‘Hearing hail blown horizontal against the pines’ (arare yokogiru matsu no oto) also just does not sound appropriate. Both poems have an exaggerated feeling [kotogotoshikaran to wa kokorozashite], and I cannot grasp who they are referring to. However, the Left’s poem is, still, somewhat superior.
Left.
あらはれてまた埋もるゝ雪のうちにさも年深き松の色かな
| arawarete mata utsumoruru yuki no uchi ni sa mo toshi fukaki matsu no iro kana |
Appearing and Then buried once more By the snows: How ancient are The pine trees’ constant hues… |
557
Right (Win).
いかなれば冬にしられぬ色ながら松しも風のさびしかるらん
| ikanareba fuyu ni shirarenu iro nagara matsu shi mo kaze no sabishikaruran |
Why is it that, All unknowing that ‘tis winter In their hue, The pines’ rustling in the wind Is so sad? |
558
Both Left and Right say the other team’s poem is ‘not bad’ [ashikaranu].
Shunzei’s judgement: While the initial section of the Left’s poem is splendid [yū], I feel that the later ‘How ancient are’ (sa mo toshi fukaki) goes too far [sa made mo haberazaran]. The Right’s ‘Why is it that’ (ikanareba) is an expression I am unable to accept [shokisubekarazu], the later ‘pines’ rustling in the wind’ (matsu shi mo kaze no) sounds most fine, does it not? Thus, the Right should win.
Left (Tie).
松風の音はいつとも分かねども梢の雪や冬はさびしき
| matsukaze no oto wa itsu tomo wakanedomo kozue no yuki ya fuyu wa sabishiki |
The wind-blown pines Murmur is ever Unchanging, yet Is it the snow upon the treetops that Makes winter so sad? |
555
Right.
なべて世の梢に風は弱れども松吹く聲は烈しかりけり
| nabete yo no kozue ni kaze wa yowaredomo matsu fuku koe wa hageshikarikeri |
Through most Treetops the wind Has weakened, yet Gusting through the pines, its cry Is wild, indeed! |
The Provisional Master of the Empress Household Office.
556
Both teams consider that the other’s poem is ‘not particularly good’ [kanshinsezaru].
Shunzei’s judgement: There is little between both poems, on ‘wind in the pines’. Thus, the round ties.
Left (Win).
雪のうちに猶も緑の色ながら千世をあらはす嶺の若松
| yuki no uchi ni nao mo midori no iro nagara chiyo o arawasu mine no wakamatsu |
In amongst the snows, Yet still does the fresh, green Hue remain; A thousand years made manifest in The young pines on the peak. |
553
Right.
今朝見れば雪高砂の松が枝は土につくまで降り積みにけり
| kesa mireba yuki takasago no matsu ga e wa tsuchi ni tsuku made furitsuminikeri |
Looking on this morning The snow has reached such heights The pine boughs are Bent down to the ground, Buried by the fall… |
554
The Right find no fault with the Left’s poem. The Left state that the Right’s poem is ‘lacking in sense’.
Shunzei’s judgement: The Left’s ‘A thousand years made manifest in the young pines on the peak’ (chiyo o arawasu mine no wakamatsu) is charming [okashiku miehaberu], but the in the phrase ‘Yet still does the fresh, green’ (nao mo midori no), the use of ‘still’ (mo) is old-fashioned, and including it produces a phrasing which is inferior to ‘yet’ (nao) alone. When I say such things, people may find them difficult to accept, but not to do so would do the Way a disservice, and thus, I must. The Right’s ‘The pine boughs are bent down to the ground’ (matsu ga e wa tsuchi ni tsuku made) is something which has been used in poetry since long ago, and so is somewhat commonplace [tsune no koto], but ‘such heights the pine’ (takasago no matsu) does not seem that bad [ito masanakuhaberuran]. The Left’s ‘young pines on the peak’ (mine no wakamatsu) should win.