Shunzei’s judgement: The Left’s poem has ‘deep snow’ (yuki fukaki), ‘whitening round my cedar door’ (maki no to shiramu), and the Right has ‘the dawntime moon will linger less than’ (ariake no tsuki yori nokoru) – the conception and diction of both are splendid [kokoro kotoba tomo ni yoroshiku koso haberumere]. It seems to me that is exactly how winter mornings are. Thus, it is difficult to say which is better. This must be a good tie [yoki ji].
Both teams say the other’s poem ‘isn’t bad’ [ashikaranu].
Shunzei’s judgement: Although I feel that this topic of ‘Winter Mornings’ should express the conception of the latter half of winter [fuyu no nakaba sugitaru kokoro], the Left’s poem sounds like one from the beginning of winter, and I wonder about that. ‘South-east of the capital’ (miyako no tatsumi) is taken from the poem by Kisen on Mt Uji, which states ‘South east of the Capital, and so I dwell’ (miyako no tatsumi sika zo sumu). This conception [kokoro] of being there and ‘gazing south-east of the capital’ (miyako no tatsumi nagamureba) to the Fukakusa Estate, is charming [okashiku haberu]. Snow on the treetops in the morning, too, sounds pleasant [yoroshiku kikoyu]. Thus, the Right should win.
hitotose o
nagametsukuseru
asatode ni
usuyuki kōru
sabishisa no hate
All throughout the year
Have I gazed, until I can do no more, then
Opening my door this morning
A light fall of frozen snow
Brings me to the ends of sorrow…
The Right state that the Left’s poem is ‘overblown and intimidating’ [yuyushigeni odosaretari]. The Left merely state the Right’s poem is ‘unremarkable’ [tsune no koto nari].
Shunzei’s judgement: The Left’s ‘All throughout the year have I gazed, until I can do no more’ (hitotose o nagametsukushi), followed by ‘the ends of sorrow’ (sabishisa no hate), gives the impression that the snow must be extremely deep, but saying ‘a light fall of frozen snow’ (usuyuki koru) sounds contrary to the content. The Right’s ‘even you, I will not call upon’ (hito o sae towazu) and ‘should I tread through it, I would regret the tracks’ (ware fumiwaken ato no oshiki ni) more than being trite in conception [tsune no kokoro], is direct in diction [kotoba kudakete], and sounds overly definite [amari tashika ni kikoete], so the conception of ‘I will not call upon, gazing’ (towade koso mire) is inferior to that of ‘light snow’ (usuyuki).
The Right state that the Left’s initial line makes their poemsound like a reply. In addition, the final line is ‘overly forceful’ [itau tsuyoku]. The Left merely comment that the Right’s use of ‘sparrow’ (suzume) is ‘inappropriate’.
Shunzei’s judgement: Even though the Left’s poem is not a reply, starting with ‘I would go a’calling’ (toekashi na) is common in the reply style [zōtōtei]. In addition, ‘Winter Mornings’ is not a topic which one needs to approach obliquely. There are only the good and bad points of the poetry. ‘From underneath the eaves to the sparrows’ chirps have I grown accustomed’ (noki no uchi ni suzume no koe wa naruru) is not an expression much used about morning snow. However, the final section of the poem appears fine. ‘Sparrows’ chirps’ (suzume no koe) is, perhaps, somewhat colloquial [zoku no chikaku]. Despite the comment by the gentlemen of the Right that the final section of the Left’s poem is ‘overly forceful’, it is a better ‘Winter Morning’ poem.
The Right say the Left’s poem ‘isn’t bad’ [ashikarazu]. The Left say the Right’s poem is ‘commonplace’ [tsune no koto nari].
Shunzei’s judgement: Although the Left’s ‘unending is the breakfasts’ smoke – and even that’ (taenu asake no kemuri sae) is lacking in poetic qualities [utashina no naku wa haberedo], the gentlemen of the Right have judged it not to be bad. As for the Right, if a storm blows through a garden, even if there is no snow, surely there would be some trace of it, wouldn’t there? The Left should win.
The Right have no criticisms to make of the Left’s poem. The Left just remark that the Right’s use of ‘even’ (dani aru) is ‘poor’ [yokarazu].
Shunzei’s judgement: Despite the Left starting their poem with ‘dwelling in the mountains’ (yamazato wa), even if it is on a winter morning, where must it take place? It must be at a riverside estate, or village. In addition, the only element of the conception of morning, is ‘crossing the river in the morning’ (asa kawa wataru). I do wonder about the sound of ‘even, has frozen’ (kōri dani aru), but the snow in the morning is more moving and charming [aware mo okashiku mo] than the Left’s mere sound of horses’ hooves on ice, so the Right’s is the better poem.
Shunzei’s judgement: Both poems have the conception [kokoro] of ‘Seri River’ (serikawa) and ‘endless Progress’ (miyuki taesenu), and there is not much between them in terms of winning or losing, but the Left’s ‘storm winds on Mount Saga’ (saga no yama’arashi) seems to blow a bit more strongly today!
Jakuren is making reference to an anecdote from Minmoto no Shunrai’s Shunnrai Zuinō work of poetic criticism:
‘Once, when His Majesty, Emperor Tenchi was our hawking, he lost his falcon. His Falconer who, being of low estate, was unable to behold His Majesty directly and was looking at the ground, immediately told His Majesty where the bird could be found. Astonished, His Majesty asked the man how he had done it,. “By looking the puddles of water on the ground, and seeing the bird reflected there, Sire,” the man replied.’