kishi chikami tabine no toko o utsu nami no kaeru hima ni zo shigure to wa shiru
Close by the coast My journey’s bed is Struck by waves; In the space as they withdraw, I know that showers are falling.
Dharma Master Yūsei 63
Right
しばのとをたたくあらしのおとにまたしぐれうちそふたびのよはかな
shiba no to o tataku arashi no oto ni mata shigure uchisou tabi no yowa kana
Upon my brushwood door The storm wind came a’knocking; The sound then Laced with showers, At midnight on my travels!
Norimori 64
In the Left’s poem, it sounds as if the shower is continuing to fall quietly, yet it then appears to have the conception that one knows the showers are falling in the gaps between the waves breaking. In the Right’s poem, ‘The storm wind came a’knocking; / The sound then’ sounds charming, but I do wonder about how it looks to have lines beginning beginning with both ‘brushwood door’ [shiba no to] and ‘showers’ [shigure]. Thus, again, these tie.
shimo narade tsuki moru yoi ya katasogi no yukiawanu hima mo kami wa ureshiki
That ‘tis not frost, but The moon, dripping at night Through the ridge poles Unmatched gaps, Does the Deity feel joy?
Suke, from the Residence of the Former Minister of the Right[2] 50
The Left poem’s ‘Blows late upon the moon / At Suminoe’ sounds pleasant, but there have been recent poems, such as ‘Brings waves–that / I would tell you!’[3] and ‘Simply with the waves / Did seem to draw near with the night’[4] and while the initial section of the poem here differs, basing a poem on this is not that unusual, I think. The tone of the Right’s poem is charming, but it does not seem likely that the Deity would feel joy simply at the moon coming through the gaps in His ridgepoles. The Deity’s power is limitless and wards eighty isles beyond Sumiyoshi—indeed, there is nowhere in Tsumori’s shore or Sumiyoshi beach, above the waves or in the shad of the pines that it does not reach. I have discussed ridgepoles earlier. Nevertheless, the configuration of the poem isn’t bad, so these should tie, I think.
[3] 人しれぬ思ひありそのはま風に浪のよるこそいはまほしけれ hito shirenuomoi ariso nohamakaze ninami no yoru kosoiwamahoshikere ‘Unknown to all / My passion burns—toward a rocky / Beach the breeze / Brings waves–that / I would tell you!’ Middle Captain Toshitada (Horikawa-in enjo awase 17/KYS (2) 468/500)
[4] Composed when he was asked by people in the capital what the moon had been like, when he had returned there, after going to Akashi to gaze upon it, at a time when it was particularly bright. 有明の月もあかしの浦風に波ばかりこそよるとみえしか ariake no tsuki mo akashi no urakaze ni nami bakari koso yoru to mieshika ‘The dawntime Moon’s brightness, with Akashi’s / Beach breezes / Simply with the waves / Did seem to draw near with the night…’ Taira no Tadamori (KYS (2) III: 216/KYS (3) III: 212)
The Left’s poem has a truly charming conception, with ‘Upon the waves, striking the shore, / Shines the moon’ reflecting and making the pines’ shadows shine. However, what are we to make of the use of ‘bright’ here? My late master once stated that he had too often heard such diction being used. The poem of the right appears to have pleasant configuration and diction, but, while it is only natural to say that the Suminoe’s shore is dread, I wonder about the appropriateness of going so far as to say that gemweed is? It’s going a bit far, I think, to bring in ‘gemweed’ simply to link it to ‘polish’. Nevertheless, the configuration of the poem appears pleasant, so I call this a tie.
