The Right state: ‘Unvisited bed’ (konu toko) sounds as if it is the bed doing the visiting. The Left state: we do not feel that the Right’s poem expresses its intended sense fully.
In judgement: I feel it sounds better to say that ‘through the deepening night’ (fukeyuku yowa) ‘is it now for the first bird call’ (tori no ne o ya wa) that one waits, rather than that one is in ‘an unvisited bed’ (konu toko) waiting for ‘brightening through my bedroom door’ (hima ya shiromu).
The Right state: there are no faults to indicate. The Left state: we wonder about the suitability of the impression conveyed by ‘When all goes unseen at night’ (me ni mienu yoru) on hearing it.
In judgement: the poem of the Right, with its ‘The cloudy heavens’ distance, where he has gone’ (amagumo noyoso ni nariyuku) is elegant, but it is certain that ‘When all goes unseen’ (me ni mienu) recalls the expression from the Kokin Preface, ‘unseen gods and demons’. The Left’s poem sounds pleasantly realised from beginning to end. It should win.
A poem composed on the conception of showers at a poetry competition held at the house of Lord Toshitada.
五月雨に水まさるらし沢田川真木の継橋うきぬばかりに
samidare ni
midu masarurasi
sawadagaFa
maki no tugiFasi
ukinu bakari ni
In the showers
The waters seem to rise so high
At Sawada River
That the bridge of boards
Does just float upon it!
Fujiwara no Akinaka (1059-1129)
藤原顕仲
This poem is also:
Sakon gonchūjō toshitada ason ke uta’awase 6 左近権中将俊忠朝臣家歌合
(‘Poetry Contest held at the Residence of Lord Toshitada, Provisional Middle Captain of the Inner Palace Guards, Left Division’; 1104)