The Gentlemen of the Right state: the Left, by commencing with ‘he hesitated’ (yasurai ni), seems rather abrupt. The Left state they find no faults to mention.
In judgement: What might be abrupt about the beginning of the Left’s poem? By beginning so, it gives the impression that something must have come before. There is no doubt that it is an abrupt beginning. The Right appears to be a standard form of poem utilising related meanings, but simply has ‘words’ (koto no ha) with no connections to anything. The Left’s ‘as it once was – an untrodden plain’ (furuki nohara) seems fine. It should win.
The Gentlemen of the Right state: we wonder about saying ‘fragrance passed on to my sleeves is gone’. The Gentlemen of the Left state: concluding the poem saying things are ‘hard’ (uki) lacks impact.
In judgement: A ‘fragrance passed onto my sleeves’ ‘disappearing’ does not seem a particular fault. But, simply finishing ‘until we should meet again, I have not even that consolation…’ (au made no katami dani nashi) gives the impression the poet has not thought deeply about the situation, rather than considering it painful. ‘One night gone by’ (arishi yo) fails to connect with the remainder of the poem. The Right should win.
sode no nami
mune no kemuri wa
tare mo miyo
kimi ga ukina no
tatsu zo kanashiki
The waves upon my sleeves, and
The smoke rising from my breast –
Let all see them!
But should you, my love, be called heartless,
That would make me sad…
The Right state: the Left’s poem has no faults to indicate. The Left state: by prioritising the emotions of the relatives, the poem does not clearly express the conception of Love.
In judgement: the initial section of the Left’s poem sounds fine, but the final ‘would make me sad’ (kanashiki) is going too far. The Gentlemen of the Left have accurately described the faults of the Right’s poem, but beyond that there is nothing praiseworthy in the poem’s style, either. Thus I make the Left the winner.
The Gentlemen of the Right state: the Left’s poem is most moving. The Right’s poem, the Gentlemen of the Left state, is fine.
Shunzei’s judgement: the Left’s poem has one counting to the end of the moon’s transits through the sky, while the Right has clouds parting from a mountain peak being the poet’s thoughts given form. Both poems are elegant in configuration and diction, but the Right’s ‘even the clouds’ (kumo ni dani) does not fit with the ending. The Left maintains its connections from beginning to end. Thus, I make it the winner.
Left and Right together state they find no faults worth mentioning.
Shunzei’s judgement: the Left seems to have taken a poem saying ‘truth has broken not, and now we meet again’ (shin’nyo kuchisezu aimitsuru kana) and deepened the conception. The Right, wearing clothes night after night and not thinking it would ‘become real’ (utsutsu made) seems a rather pointless activity. The poems are of the same quality.
Left and Right state: the contents of both poems are fine.
Shunzei’s judgement: the conception and configuration of both poems is elegant, and the Left’s ‘from the mugwort leaf-tips, the dewdrops’ (yomogyū no sueba no tsuyu) sounds fine. The Left should win.
The Gentlemen of the Right state: there is nothing particularly at fault with the Left’s poem. The Gentlemen of the Left state: the Right’s poem is not that good.
Shunzei’s judgement: mentioning ‘the clouds close by’ (atari no kumo) and ‘remain so briefly –as does life’ (shibashi mo tomaru inochi) gives both poems a sense of pathos. I would say they are of the same quality.
The Gentlemen of the Right state: the Left’s poem is fine, overall. The Gentlemen of the Left state: the Right’s poem is without fault.
Shunzei’s judgement: Both Left and Right poems on ‘Kifune River’ (kifunegawa) seem tasteful [yū], but rather than the Right’s final ‘Do I plead for an ending’ (sue o tanomite), the Left’s ‘Scatter jewels on my sleeves’ (sode ni tama chiru) sounds particularly good. The Left must win.
The Gentlemen of both the Left and Right state that they find no faults in the opposing poem.
Shunzei’s judgement: The Left has ‘cedar tops touched by the dawntime moon’ (sugi no kozue ni ariake no tsuki) and the Right has ‘cedar tops lies the dusking evening sky’ (sugi no kozue no yūgure no sora) – both poems are charming [okashiku mo haberu]. While the Left lacks a reference to Mount Miwa, this makes it sound all the more charming, I think. ‘Dawntime moon’ is particularly fine in its tranquillity, but the Right’s ‘dusking evening sky’ is by no means inferior, so, again, the round should tie.
The Gentlemen of the Right state: saying simply ‘dusk’ (tasogare) when it should be ‘the hour of dusk’ (tasogare toki) sounds somewhat strange. The Gentlemen of the Left state: the Right’s poem is composed to recall the Kokinshū’s ‘A mountain cherry through the drifting mists’ (yamazakura kasumi no ma yori), but is inferior to the original.
Shunzei’s judgement: in regard to the Left’s poem, it is certainly the case that, even without the ‘hour’, ‘in the dusk’ is a standard expression. The Right’s poem sounds old-fashioned. The Left, though, does not sound unpleasant, even though its mentioning of ‘never will I forget’ (wasurezu yo) recollects ‘a tiled kiln’. It should win.