The Gentlemen of the Right state: the Left’s poem is without fault. The Gentlemen of the Left state: while the Right’s ‘Kiku Pond’ (kiku no ike) does have something novel about it, ‘a mere mention’ (ii’idenu) is pedestrian.
Shunzei’s judgement: The Left’s ‘chrysanthemum valley’ (kiku no tani) and the Right’s ‘chrysanthemum pond’ (kiku no ike) both along the same lines and seem to sound charming [okashiku koso kikoehaberumeredomo]; still, ‘no dew from the chrysanthemum has touched my sleeves’ (kiku no tsuyu furenu tamoto yo) seems a little more elegant to me now.
The Gentlemen of the Right state: the Left’s poem has no defects worth criticising. The Gentlemen of the Left state: the initial and final sections of the Right’s poem lack connection with each other. Does the poem have a conception of hiddenness?
Shunzei’s judgement: The conception and configuration of the Left’s ‘cloud-capped peaks’ first shower of rain’ (kumoiru mine no hatsu shigure) seems charming [kokoro sugata okashiku mie]. On that basis, it should win.
The Gentlemen of the Right state: in the Left’s poem we would have preferred ‘had fallen’ (kakarishi). The Gentlemen of the Left state: in the Right’s poem we would have preferred ‘Even yesterday those’ (kesa made mo kakaritsuru).
Shunzei’s judgement: I wonder whether the criticism of the Left’s poem as needing to be ‘had fallen’ is right. In the Right’s poem there is no need to have ‘those’ but it should be ‘these feelings I had lacked’ (kakaru omoi wa nakaritsuru mono o). Whichever way you look at it, this round is a tie.
The Gentlemen of both Left and Right state: we find no faults with the other team’s poem.
Shunzei’s judgement: the Left’s poem, saying, ‘A fleeting dream I feel’ (hakanaki yume wa oboenuran) leading to ‘The three worlds’ Buddhas’ bells yet sound’ (miyo no hotoke no kane no hibiki) is particularly fine in configuration and conception [sugatakotoba kotoni yoroshiku koso]. The Right’s poem, too, starting ‘Buddhas’ Honoured names are as the morning sun’ (hotoke no mina wa asahi nite) and then having ‘Finally dispelling the year’s dewfall’ (yagate kieyuku hito tose no tsuyu) is reminiscent of the passage from the Samantabhadra Contemplation Sutra ‘many sins are like frost or dew – one can avoid and extinguish them with the sun of the Buddha’s blessings’; both poems move the heart and so I cannot say which is better or worse. Thus, the round ties.
Neither Left nor Right have anything in particular to say.
Shunzei’s judgement: I wonder about accepting the Left’s ‘Beneath my duck-down bedding I lie alone’ (oshi no fusuma o katashikite). The strengths and weaknesses are plain, and so there is not much more to say than that. The Left wins.
Both teams say that the conceptions of the two poems resemble each other closely [kokoro hōfutsu].
Shuzei’s judgement: The Left, by starting, ‘That mountain dwelling’s loneliness feeling, the smoke’ (yamazato no sabishisa omou keburi yue) sounds as if it is the brushwood itself which has some sensitivity to the situation, and are rising up from time to time. I wonder about that. The Right’s evergreen groves ‘nearing the mountain’ (majikaki yama) is what should win.
Shunzei’s judgement: The phrasing of both poems, such as ‘wind from off the pine-filled peaks’ (mine no matsukaze), ‘Against the ice strikes’ (kōri o tataku) and ‘sounds have softened’ (oto yowariyuku), has not particular strong or weak points [kōotsu nakuhaberedo], but still, ‘against the ice strikes’ seems a little superior.
Shunzei’s judgement: The Left’s poem has ‘deep snow’ (yuki fukaki), ‘whitening round my cedar door’ (maki no to shiramu), and the Right has ‘the dawntime moon will linger less than’ (ariake no tsuki yori nokoru) – the conception and diction of both are splendid [kokoro kotoba tomo ni yoroshiku koso haberumere]. It seems to me that is exactly how winter mornings are. Thus, it is difficult to say which is better. This must be a good tie [yoki ji].
Shunzei’s judgement: Both poems have the conception [kokoro] of ‘Seri River’ (serikawa) and ‘endless Progress’ (miyuki taesenu), and there is not much between them in terms of winning or losing, but the Left’s ‘storm winds on Mount Saga’ (saga no yama’arashi) seems to blow a bit more strongly today!
Neither team finds any fault with the other’s poem this round.
Shunzei’s judgement: The Left’s ‘Sleet, today, falling as on the ancient estate’ (kyō mo mizore no furu sato wa), preceding ‘on Yoshino mountain did snows fall once’, reflects the conception of ‘Where once I lived, to the mount of Yoshino was so close’ (Furusato Fa yosino no yama si tikakereba) and seems splendid [ito yoroshiku miehabere]. The Right’s ‘How lonely it is here within the mountains’ (sabishikarikeru yama no oku kana) as a final section is most acceptable in terms of style [mottomo shokisubeki no tei], but the initial ‘leaves mixed in’ (konoha kokimaze) sounds as if this had been done with some human hand. Thus, the Left with matched initial and final sections, must win.