ura samuku shigururu yowa no tabigoromo kishi no hanyū ni itaku nioinu
The bay is cold with Midnight showers, as My traveller’s robe With the shore’s ochre clay Is deeply stained.
Taifu 67
Right
おもへただみやこのうちのねざめだにしぐるるそらはあはれならずや
omoe tada miyako no uchi no nezame dani shigururu sora wa aware narazu ya
Simply think of me, when Within the capital You start from sleep— A showery sky is Sad, isn’t it?
Sadanaga 68
While configuration of the Left’s poem, saying ‘With the shore’s ochre clay / Is deeply stained’ feels crude, it does appear to be in the style of the Myriad Leaves. As for the Right’s poem, its conception is good, but starting, ‘Simply think of me’ begs the question of who this is said to. Such diction is used in poetry exchanges or love poems, in particular. The Left’s poem is most likely superior.
tabinesuru aretaru yado no shigure ni wa namida mo tomo ni moru ni zo arikeru
Sleeping on my travels In a ruined hut, The showers And my tears, both, Do leave me drenched!
Minamoto no Munenaga (formerly Michikiyo) 57
Right
ちぎらねどさよのねざめにおとづれてしぐれぞたびのともとなりける
chigiranedo sayo no nezame ni otozurete shigure zo tabi no tomo to narikeru
It made no vow, yet On awaking from a brief night’s sleep, I am visited by the sound Of showers—my journey’s Companion, have they become.
Fujiwara no Noritsune 58
The Left conception and configuration appear pleasant, but after saying that one is ‘sleeping on my travels’ to then have ‘a ruined hut’—this does not really sound like somewhere a person would take lodging on their journey. As for the Right, it seems like the only reason the poet has begun with ‘it made no vow, yet’ is because he wished to use ‘companion’, but these pieces of diction are too far apart. Still, it does seem to have some conception, so I make these a tie.
