hagi ga hana wakeyuku hodo wa furusato e kaeranu hito mo nishiki o zo kiru
When through the bush-clover blooms He forges his way, To his ancient home Never to return—that man, too, Wears a fine brocade!
Minamoto no Arifusa, Minor Captain in the Inner Palace Guards, Right Division
13
Right
声たてて鳴くむしよりも女郎花いはぬ色こそ身にはしみけれ
koe tatete naku mushi yori mo ominaeshi iwanu iro koso mi ni wa shimikere
They lift their songs in Plaintive cries, but far more than the insects ‘Tis the maidenflower’s Wordless hue that truly Pierce my soul!
Junior Assistant Minister of Central Affairs Sadanaga 14
The Left is well-composed, but what is the Right’s ‘wordless hue’? Are we supposed to imagine that the expression means ‘silent yellow’? This is difficult to grasp, isn’t it. Whatever way you look at it, the Left seems to win.
amorituku ame no kaguyama kiri tatu paru ni itareba matukaze ni ikenami tatite sakurabana ko no kuresige ni okipe ni pa kamo tuma yobapi petupe ni adi murasawagi momosiki no opomiyabito no makaridete asobu pune ni pa kadisawo mo nakute sabusi mo kogu pito nasi ni
Descended from heaven is Sacred Mount Kagu where Mists arise When the spring does come, The wind through the pines Raises waves from pond waters, and Cherry blossom’s Profusion shades the trees, while Out in the offing, Ducks call for a mate and On the shore Teals flock noisily; Hundredfold, The palace folk were wont to Travel out On pleasure boats, but Oars and poles Are there none—so sad— For there’s not a soul to row them…
[1] A minor variant of this poem appears in Kokinshū (I: 60), attributed to Ki no Tomonori.
[2] A variant of this poem appears in Shūishū (I: 75) with the headnote ‘Topic unknown’: 年の内はみな春ながらくれななん花見てだにもうきよすぐさん toshi no uchi wa / mina haru nagara / kure na nan / hana mite dani mo / ukiyo sugusan ‘Within the year / All is springtime, but / I would it reach its eve, for / Even seeing blossoms / Makes this fleeting world pass by.’
In judgement: although the Left’s poem sounds a little over-familiar, it certainly does have conception. The Right’s poem does sound smooth, but the origin poem has ‘Forget me not’ (wasuru na yo) – and this has ‘I will not forget’ (wasurezu yo) – the origin poem has ‘for distant as the clouds’ (hodo wa kumoi ni) – and this has ‘how far beyond the clouds’ (iku kumoi to wa); and ‘as the moon across the skies’ (sora yuku tsuki no) is identical, so the only part which as been changed is ‘I shall return – ‘til then’ (meguri au made). It is only to be expected that it would sound good, given that it presents much of the same material in the same order. The Left should win.
