Shunzei states, ‘The gentlemen of the Left have suggested that the latter section of the Right’s poem is identical to one by the Monk En’i. I, however, have no knowledge of such a poem. However, both ‘scenting coolness’ (suzushiku niou) and ‘coolly clouded’ (suzushiku kumoru) seem equivalent in quality.’
The Right have no criticisms to make this round. The Left simply say the phrase ‘huts? Faintly misted’ (iori ka usugiri) ‘stands out’.
Again, Shunzei is blunt: ‘The Left’s “untouched by soot” (susukenu) and the Right’s “faintly misted” (usugiri) are both equally poor. The round should tie.’
Both teams consider the other’s poems to be ‘not bad’ this round.
Shunzei, however, finds fault with both: ‘The Left’s “bed” (neya) does occur in both Chinese poetry and our own, however, I cannot help but find it undesirable. The Right’s “Sweeping my fan” (uchiharau ōgi) and “Brings thoughts of silver grass” (omoikometaru ogi) are both fine examples of mangled expression, and are, moreover, unclear. Thus, “a moonlit bed” must win, I feel.
Neither team has any criticisms to make this round.
Shunzei says, ‘The Left’s phrase “have dreamed on” (yume o nokoshite) is extremely good. The earlier “In the cool of evening” (yū suzumi) is a phrase often used in composition, but I dislike it. The Right’s poems is charming throughout. It should win.’
The Right state merely that, ‘The Left’s poem has nothing to apologise for,’ while the Left comment, ‘stating that “dawn” (ake) returns to a mountain to the west is illogical. Moreover, in the three lines “The cormorant boats; To the Mount of Storms Does dawn return?” (ukaibune arashi no yama no akewataruran) the meanings of each line are different and fail to follow on one from the other.’
Shunzei is in general agreement: ‘The gentlemen of the Right have already allowed that the Left’s poem has nothing to apologise for. The have also stated that it is not the case that night lightens from the west, but it is certainly the case that it is possible to see the dawn light growing upon the western mountains. However, the cormorant boats’ practice is normally to run down the rapids, and saying “rapids running up” (ikuse noboreba) suggests that this is happening after they have gone down. Dawn is then exceptionally late. In any case, the Right’s poem has a number of doubtful sections, while the Left’s is without error, as has already been stated. It must win.’
Shunzei states that, ‘Both poems are certainly effortlessly worthy of victory, but “calmly crossing the waters of Kamo River” (nodoka ni wataru kamo no kawamizu) sounds slightly more peaceful than “messenger to come flowing in ripples on Kamo River” (tsukai tachikuru kamo no kawa nami), so it should win.’
The Right state bluntly, ‘Using ‘darker’ (kuraku) in this poem is highly vulgar!’ But the Left snap back, ‘Composing with “darker” is completely commonplace.’ They have no comments to make about the Right’s poem.
Shunzei remarks, ‘The Left’s “garden much darker” (niwa koso kuraku) has nothing problematic about it. “Broad-leaved oaks” (nara no hiroha), although a commonplace expression, is undesirable here. The purport of the Right’s “for the hues of autumn” (iro ni wa aki o) seems rather contrived, yet one wonders if “scarlet leaves” (momiji yue) might not be concealed beneath the “broad-leaved oaks”! The Left’s poem, being more unaffected, wins.’
The Right wonder, ‘Whether “fresh and green the Third Month” (urawakaki yayoi) is quite appropriate?’, (meaning that associations of youth with the Third Month, which marked the end of Spring seem incongruous). The Left have no particular remarks to make about the Right’s poem.
Shunzei states, ‘Both the Left’s “fresh and green the Third Month” (urawakaki yayoi) and the Right’s “for some reason” (ikanareba) are of the same quality, but in addition, “wisteria blooms” (fuji no hana) is better than “fleeceflower” (saitazuma), and so its final stanza is somewhat better. It should win.’
Both teams say that they consider the other’s poem to be ‘trite’ [kyūbutsu] this round.
Shunzei’s judgement: The Left’s poem certainly certainly has a conception [kokoro] which one is well-accustomed to hearing, but I am unable to recall exactly where. In form it is well-constructed [utazama yoroshikuhaberubeshi]. The Right’s initial “Waters in the valley soak the rocks – the sound swallowed” (tanimizu no iwa moru oto wa uzumorete) is excellent [yū], but the latter part is definitely old-fashioned [furite]. Thus, the Left must win.