The Right state: ‘Your hair, bunched on either side’ (furiwakegami) appears very abruptly. In addition, we wonder about the appropriateness of evoking youthful love. The Left state: the Right’s poem has no faults to indicate.
In judgement: the confusion evoked by ‘your hair, bunched on either side’ seems to have lasted rather too long. The Right’s poem sounds exactly as it should be. Thus, the Right should win.
The Right state: ‘Unvisited bed’ (konu toko) sounds as if it is the bed doing the visiting. The Left state: we do not feel that the Right’s poem expresses its intended sense fully.
In judgement: I feel it sounds better to say that ‘through the deepening night’ (fukeyuku yowa) ‘is it now for the first bird call’ (tori no ne o ya wa) that one waits, rather than that one is in ‘an unvisited bed’ (konu toko) waiting for ‘brightening through my bedroom door’ (hima ya shiromu).
The Right: we find no faults to mention. The Left state: ‘The very clouding’ (kumoru sae koso) does not sound like a reference to the evening.
In judgement: in the Right’s poem, as it begins with ‘unexpectedly’ (ayaniku ni), it then becomes unnecessary to mention clouding. The Left’s poem is pleasant. It should win.
The Right state: is saying ‘From this morning’ (kesa yori wa) suggesting that the feelings have particularly arisen this morning? In response: this is simply the style of poetry. It is commonplace to use expressions such as ‘today it is that’ (kyō wa sa wa) or ‘now it is that’ (ima wa sa wa). The Left state: the initial two lines of the Right’s poem pay no attention to style.
In judgement: the Left’s poem, commencing ‘From this morning’ (kesa yori wa) and then saying ‘Should it be that my tears’ (saraba namida ni) does not seem poor. I do wonder about the final ‘These droplets from my sleeves’ (sode no shizuku ka), though. As for the Right’s poem, I do not feel that the initial two lines lack attention to style. The entirety of both teams comments display no knowledge of poetry, and fail to identify the merits or faults of the opposing poems. I feel that both the Left and the Right poems this round are elegant. Thus, the round should tie.
The Gentlemen of the Right state: if the Left allude to the poem ‘At the dawning / How cruel it seemed / To part’, then this poem refers to the cruelty of a lover, but their poem suggests that the moon is the cruel one. Is this appropriate? In response: ‘At the dawning / How cruel it seemed’ can also be interpreted as referring to the moon. The Gentlemen of the Left state: the Right use the diction ‘fond’ (nasake), but the sense of this does not follow in the poem.
In judgement: the Left builds on the poem which starts ‘At the dawning / How cruel it seemed / To part, but’ and then says more than the lover’s heartlessness, ‘The fading moon / Cared not at all.’ So, given that this is the case, it’s not really saying anything different from ‘No more will I care for the moon!’ As for the Right, it sounds as if the lover’s fondness appears in the ‘dream’ (yume), but the final section seems good. The Right’s poem is somewhat superior.
The Right state: ‘It shows no sign of weakening’ [yowarazaruran] seems unsatisfactory in its placement in this poem. The Left state: there are no faults to inidicate.
In judgement: the Left’s second section seems fine, but the initial section’s ‘pain alone’ (tsurasa) sounds overly forceful. However, in the Right’s poem ‘All you would hear from me, though, is that, now, I am sad’ (kikaren sae zo ima wa kanashiki) in the final section seems both overly explicit and somewhat weak. I cannot award a win this round.
The Right state: the Left’s poem sounds pretentious. We are also unable to accept the use of ‘colt, you are not’ (komagoma). The Left state: the Right’s poem sounds archaic.
In judgement: ‘Dishevelled in appearance as a piebald’ (araki keshiki o midarao) is entirely unacceptable style. As for ‘covered with kuzu’, while ‘field is all’ (no mo se) is also undesirable, the final section is elegant. It should win over ‘piebald’.
The Gentlemen of the Right state: the Left, by commencing with ‘he hesitated’ (yasurai ni), seems rather abrupt. The Left state they find no faults to mention.
In judgement: What might be abrupt about the beginning of the Left’s poem? By beginning so, it gives the impression that something must have come before. There is no doubt that it is an abrupt beginning. The Right appears to be a standard form of poem utilising related meanings, but simply has ‘words’ (koto no ha) with no connections to anything. The Left’s ‘as it once was – an untrodden plain’ (furuki nohara) seems fine. It should win.
Both Left and Right state they find no faults to remark upon in the other team’s poem.
In judgement: the matter of the Left’s poem is elegant, but saying ‘it is I’ (ware o) is, perhaps, somewhat over-explicit. I wonder what the Right’s poem is saying with ‘Could never end’ (akashikaneken)? The Left, with its conception of remembering times long past is still the winner.