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Poetry Competition in Six Hundred Rounds

Love VII: 3

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Left (Win).
戀ゆへに憂き世を捨て隱れなば忍ぶの山やすみかなるべき

koi yue ni
ukiyo o sutete
kakurenaba
shinobu no yama ya
sumika narubeki		 If for love
I should depart this cruel world
And hide myself away,
Would Mount Shinobu
Then become my dwelling?

Lord Kanemune.
965

Right.
夢にだにまだふみも見ぬ忍山深き戀路をいかで尋ん

yume ni dani
mada fumi mo minu
shinobuyama
fukaki koiji o
ikade tazunen		 Even in my dreams
Have I yet to tread – or send a note – so why
Do I to Mount Shinobu’s
Deep paths of love
Pay a visit?

Lord Takanobu.
966

Both Left and Right together state there are no faults to indicate in the opposing poem.

In judgement: I do wonder about the Left’s use of ‘and hide myself away’ (kakurenaba), but in addition to the Right’s ‘Have I yet to tread – or send a note’ (mada minu fumi) certainly evoking ‘the paths of Ikuno lie far away’ (ikuno no michi no tōkereba), ‘why to deep paths of love pay a visit’ (fukaki koiji o ikade tazunen), sounds as if the poet is wondering whether his love is shallow or not. The Left should win.

Poetry Competition in Six Hundred Rounds

Love VI: 25

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Left (Tie).
妹が住むとをちの里の煙だになど我方へなびかざるらん

imo ga sumu
tōchi no sato no
kemuri dani
nado wa ga kata e
nabikazaruran		 My darling lives
In far distant Tōchi;
Even the smoke,
Somehow, will not
Stream my way…

Lord Suetsune.
949

Right.
つれなさに絶ずなりなん煙をも我ゆへとやはながめゝしもせん

tsurenasa ni
taezu narinan
kemuri o mo
ware yue to ya wa
nagamemeshi mo sen		 Her cruelty
I can endure no more!
That the smoke
Is for her sake – will she
Find that consolation? No, surely not!

Lord Takanobu.
950

Both Left and Right together state that their opponent’s poem lacks anything unusual.

In judgement: that ‘far distant Tōchi’s smoke’ (tōchi no sato no kemuri) will not stream my way really has no significance. ‘Her cruelty I can endure no more! That the smoke’ (tsurenasa ni taezu narinan kemuri) must be being used to avoid mentioning dying of love as unpropitious, and certainly lacks clarity of expression. This is clearly insufficient. The round ties.

Poetry Competition in Six Hundred Rounds

Love VI: 21

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Left (Tie).
かきくらし降りくる雨も君ならば濡るとてさらに厭はざらまし

kakikurashi
furikuru ame mo
kimi naraba
nuru tote sara ni
itowazaramashi		 All is darkened by
The falling rain, but
Were that to be you, my love,
I would be drenched, but
It would not be unwelcome!

Lord Kanemune.
941

Right.
ひとり寢の床にしもなど音す覧しづかたにそゝく暁の雨

hitorine no
toko ni shimo nado
otosuran
shizukata ni sosoku
akatsuki no ame		 Sleeping solo
In my bed, so why
Is there the sound
Of quiet dripping
Dawntime rain?

Lord Takanobu.
942

The Right state: while the Left’s poem does have a desirable sentiment, its expression is outrageous. The Left state: why, indeed, should there be a sound in the poet’s bed?

In judgement: the Left’s desirable sentiment is perfectly commonplace in poetry. The Right, with ‘dawntime rain’ (akatsuki no ame), is elegant. The poems are comparable and tie.

Poetry Competition in Six Hundred Rounds

Love VI: 15

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Left.
心あひの風いづかたへ吹かぬらん我には散らす言の葉もなし

kokoro ai no
kaze izukata e
fukanuran
ware ni wa chirasu
koto no ha mo nashi		 This pleasant
Breeze: whither
Does it blow?
To me not one scattered
Leaf or word has it delivered.

Kenshō.
929

Right (Win).
色に出し言の葉もみなかれはてゝ涙を散らす風の音哉

iro ni idashi
koto no ha mo mina
karehatete
namida o chirasu
kaze no oto kana		 The bright hues of passion
In these leaves and your words
Have all withered away;
Tears scattering with
The sound of the wind…

Lord Takanobu.
930

The Right state: ‘Breeze: whither’ (kaze izukata e) seems lacking. The Left state: the Right’s poem has no faults to indicate.

In judgement: in the Left’s poem, I wonder whether ‘breeze: wither’ really is lacking. ‘This pleasant’ (kokoro no ai) would seem to be an expression deriving from ‘At the head of the road’. I seem to recall it coming after ‘In Kofu in Takefu / Will I be’, but that is not a suitable source. The Right’s poem, as the Gentlemen of the Left have said, appears to have no faults. It should win.

Poetry Competition in Six Hundred Rounds

Love VI: 11

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Left (Tie).
我戀や晴れゆくままの空の雲よそにのみして消ぬべき哉

wa ga koi ya
hareyuku mama no
sora no kumo
yoso ni nomi shite
kienubeki kana		 Is my love
As the clearing
Clouds with within the skies?
While you remain distant
Must I fade away…

Lord Ari’ie.
921

Right.
をのづから閨もる月も影消えてひとりかなしき浮雲の空

onozukara
neya moru tsuki mo
kage kiete
hitori kanashiki
ukigumo no sora		 From my
Bedchamber the flooding moon
Light has vanish;
To be alone is sad, as
The heartless drifting, clouds.

Lord Takanobu.
922

The Right state: the central line of the Left’s poem is stiff. The Left state: the Right’s poem has no particular faults.

In judgement: the statements in regard to both poems are at variance with my own opinion. I will refrain from expressing that here, although I do regret that, somewhat. If, indeed, a central line is core, then it is better for it to lack connection with the remainder of the poem. In the case of the Left’s poem, however, it seems well linked with what follows. As for the Right’s poem, ‘bedchamber the flooding moon’ (neya moru tsuki) is not phrasing which is acceptable to me. However, the Left’s initial section seems pleasant, and the Right’s final section is elegant. Thus, the round is a tie.

Poetry Competition in Six Hundred Rounds

Love VI: 1

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Left (Win).
なぐさめし月にもはてはねをぞ泣く戀やむなしき空に滿つらん

nagusameshi
tsuki ni mo hate wa
ne o zo naku
koi ya munashiki
sora ni mitsuran		 Comforted was I once by
The moon, but at the end
My sobs
For love, the vast spaces of
The heavens do seem to fill…

Kenshō
901

Right.
月よなをくまこそなけれかきくらす戀の涙は雨と降れども

tsuki yo nao
kuma koso nakare
kakikurasu
koi no namida wa
ame to furedomo		 O, Moon! Before
You there is not a cloud, yet
Dimmed
With tears for love
The rain does fall…

Lord Takanobu.
902

The Right state: we find no faults to mention in the Left’s poem. The Left state: in the Right’s poem ‘O, Moon! Before’ (tsuki ya nao) is somewhat grating on the ear. In addition, the final section is clichéd.

In judgement: in the Left’s poem, ‘The moon, but at the end’ (tsuki ni mo hate wa) is certainly elegant. The Right’s poem begin’s ‘O, Moon!’ (tsuki yo) but lacks anything connected to it at the end. Thus, the Left must win.

Poetry Competition in Six Hundred Rounds

Love V: 28

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Left (Win).
旅寢する我をば床の主にて枕に宿る小夜の面影

tabinesuru
ware oba toko no
aruji nite
makura ni yadoru
sayo no omokage		 When sleeping on my travels
I of my bedding
Am master!
Lodging by my pillow is
A face from a night too brief…

Lord Ari’ie
895

Right.
まどろまぬその夜な夜なを數ふれば夢路も遠き草枕哉

madoromanu
sono yona yona o
kazoureba
yumeji mo tōki
kusamakura kana		 Unable to even doze
Night after night
I count them up, and
The path of dreams gets more
Distant from my grassy pillow.

Lord Takanobu
896

The Right state: the Left’s poem seems fine. The Left state: we find no faults to mention.

In judgement: the Right’s ‘the path of dreams gets more distant’ (yumeji mo tōki) sounds elegant, but the Left’s poem has already been assessed as ‘fine’ in the comments by the gentlemen of the Right. This round I will leave the judgement in their hands and make the Left the winner.

 

Poetry Competition in Six Hundred Rounds

Love V: 20

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Left (Win).
いかなれば程なき中の通ひ路も逢ひ見ぬ夜半は苦しかるらん

ika nareba
hodo naki naka no
kayoiji mo
aiminu yowa wa
kurushikaruran		 Why is it that
We are so close in love
And distance, yet
Those nights we cannot meet
Are so painful still?

Lord Kanemune
879

Right.
思ひこそ遠き程だにしるべなれ手も通ひなん中の隔ては

omoi koso
tōki hodo dani
shirube nare
te mo kayoi nan
naka no hedate wa		 Love’s flame
Across a distance far
Is a beacon; though
An outstretched hand
Is our only separation…

Lord Takanobu
880

As the previous round.

In judgement: the Right sounds as if the lovers are exceedingly close. The Left, that even when the distance separating you is not that great, it is still painful, is, indeed, the case. Thus, the Left wins.

 

Poetry Competition in Six Hundred Rounds

Love V: 13

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Left (Tie).
行通ふ心の戀をしるべにてまだ見ぬ峰を幾重越ゆらん

yukikayou
kokoro no koi o
shirube nite
mada minu mine o
ikue koyuran		 Crossing distances, with
Our hearts’ love
As a guide;
How many unseen peaks
Must I yet cross…

Lord Ari’ie.
865

Right.
尋ぬべき程を聞くにもいとゞしく心の道ぞまづ迷ひぬる

tazunubeki
hodo o kiku ni mo
itodoshiku
kokoro no michi zo
mazu mayoinuru		 The distance I must travel:
When I ask how far it is,
More and more
Does my heart upon the path
Begin by wandering lost.

Lord Takanobu.
866

The Right state: we wonder about the appropriateness of the expression ‘our hearts’ love’ (kokoro no koi)? The Left state: the Right’s poem has no faults to mention.

In judgement: the Left’s ‘our hearts’ love’ is something I am completely unaccustomed to hearing. The Right’s poem does have ‘my heart upon the path’ (kokoro no michi), but the use of ‘more and more’ (itodoshiku) means it is difficult to make it a winner. The round should tie.

Poetry Competition in Six Hundred Rounds

Love V: 7

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Left.
筒井つゝ井筒にかけし丈よりも過ぬや通ふ心深さは

tsutsui tsutsu
itsutsu ni kakeshi
take yori mo
suginu ya kayou
kokoro fukasa wa		 The pipe well
Covered over:
More than its height
Have passed
The depths of our hearts.

Kenshō.
853

Right (Win).
筒井つにかけしためしをいかに我結び知らせん春の若水

tsutsui tsu ni
kakeshi tameshi o
ika ni ware
musubi shirasen
haru no wakamizu		 The pipe well
Was covered once,
So how can I
Tell you that cupping my hands
For Spring’s water, makes me young once more.

Lord Takanobu.
854

The Right state: the upper section of the Left’s poem is little different from its origin poem, while its lower part is grating on the ear. The Left state: the Right’s poem has no particular faults to mention.

In judgement: in addition to the use of ‘the pipe well’ (tsutsui tsu) by both Left and Right not being that unusual, the Left’s ‘pipe well’ having surpassed its height does not sound that profound in conception. ’Spring’s water, makes me young’ (haru no wakamizu) isn’t bad, so the Right wins.