In judgement: although the Left’s poem sounds a little over-familiar, it certainly does have conception. The Right’s poem does sound smooth, but the origin poem has ‘Forget me not’ (wasuru na yo) – and this has ‘I will not forget’ (wasurezu yo) – the origin poem has ‘for distant as the clouds’ (hodo wa kumoi ni) – and this has ‘how far beyond the clouds’ (iku kumoi to wa); and ‘as the moon across the skies’ (sora yuku tsuki no) is identical, so the only part which as been changed is ‘I shall return – ‘til then’ (meguri au made). It is only to be expected that it would sound good, given that it presents much of the same material in the same order. The Left should win.
The Right state: we find no particular faults to mention. The Left state: the mention of ‘pheasants’ (yamadori) comes a bit abruptly, does it not?
In judgement: the style of the Left’s poem sounds utterly elegant and beautiful. The Right’s mention of ‘pheasants’ is unnecessary. Thus, the Left wins.
After a man who was of a mind to become a monk had travelled to Yamato province and been there for some time, when a lady whom he had known before sent to him, enquiring how the cherry blossoms had been blooming lately.
みよし野の吉野の山の桜花白雲とのみ見えまがひつゝ
miyosino no
yosino no yama no
sakurabana
sirakumo to nomi
miemagaFitutu
In fair Yoshino
On Yoshino mountain,
The cherry blossom
Simply for clouds of white
I do always mistake!