shigure moru kari’io ni nurete hosu koromo nagai no ama wa tori ya tagaemu
Drenched by showers, In my crude hut my soaked Robe I dry— Might a fisherman from Nagai Take it by mistake?
Koretsuna 65
Right (Win)
ひとりねのあはれひまなきたびごろもしぐれはれてもそではぬれけり
hitorine no aware himanaki tabigoromo shigure haretemo sode wa nurekeri
Sleeping solo with No break from my sorrow, My traveller’s robe, Even should the showers clear, Would have soaking sleeves…
Suesada 66
The configuration of the Left is extremely charming, but I do wonder about starting with a sorrowful journey in the showers and then taking a robe by mistake! The conception of the Right, starting with endless sorrow and then saying, ‘even should the showers clear’, seems pleasant. It seems that the Right wins.
kishi chikami tabine no toko o utsu nami no kaeru hima ni zo shigure to wa shiru
Close by the coast My journey’s bed is Struck by waves; In the space as they withdraw, I know that showers are falling.
Dharma Master Yūsei 63
Right
しばのとをたたくあらしのおとにまたしぐれうちそふたびのよはかな
shiba no to o tataku arashi no oto ni mata shigure uchisou tabi no yowa kana
Upon my brushwood door The storm wind came a’knocking; The sound then Laced with showers, At midnight on my travels!
Norimori 64
In the Left’s poem, it sounds as if the shower is continuing to fall quietly, yet it then appears to have the conception that one knows the showers are falling in the gaps between the waves breaking. In the Right’s poem, ‘The storm wind came a’knocking; / The sound then’ sounds charming, but I do wonder about how it looks to have lines beginning beginning with both ‘brushwood door’ [shiba no to] and ‘showers’ [shigure]. Thus, again, these tie.
tabinesuru koya no shinoya no hima o nami moranu shigure ni nururu sode kana
Dozing on my journey In Koya, beneath dwarf-bamboo thatch, No gaps has it, so No drips fall from the showers, yet Still my sleeves are soaked!
Kunisuke 61
Right
しぐれつつものぞかなしきわすれぐさまくらにむすぶきしのたびねは
shiguretsutsu mono zo kanashiki wasuregusa makura ni musubu kishi no tabine wa
In the ever-falling showers, I am sad, indeed, so Of forgetful day-lily My pillow will I weave, Napping on my travels by the coast…
Horikawa 62
The Left’s poem is not bad in configuration and diction, but I would have preferred it had it said ‘no drips fall from the showers, too, yet’. As for the Right, saying that one is napping on one’s travels on the coast at Sumiyoshi, having woven a pillow from forgetful day-lilies does, indeed, sound evocative, but it would have been more so had there been a reason for the reference to day-lilies earlier in the poem. These tie, don’t they.
tabinesuru aretaru yado no shigure ni wa namida mo tomo ni moru ni zo arikeru
Sleeping on my travels In a ruined hut, The showers And my tears, both, Do leave me drenched!
Minamoto no Munenaga (formerly Michikiyo) 57
Right
ちぎらねどさよのねざめにおとづれてしぐれぞたびのともとなりける
chigiranedo sayo no nezame ni otozurete shigure zo tabi no tomo to narikeru
It made no vow, yet On awaking from a brief night’s sleep, I am visited by the sound Of showers—my journey’s Companion, have they become.
Fujiwara no Noritsune 58
The Left conception and configuration appear pleasant, but after saying that one is ‘sleeping on my travels’ to then have ‘a ruined hut’—this does not really sound like somewhere a person would take lodging on their journey. As for the Right, it seems like the only reason the poet has begun with ‘it made no vow, yet’ is because he wished to use ‘companion’, but these pieces of diction are too far apart. Still, it does seem to have some conception, so I make these a tie.
kaminazuki shigure fururashi okuyama wa toyama no momiji ima sakarinari
In the Godless Month Chill showers have fallen, it seems, Deep within the mountains, while On the peaks nearby the scarlet leaves Are now at their finest.
