Lingering Chrysanthemums
Round One
Left (Both Judges – Win)
紫に匂へるきくは万代のかざしのために霜や置きつる
| murasaki ni nioeru kiku wa yorozuyo no kazashi no tame ni shimo ya okitsuru | With violet Shine these chrysanthemums: That for ten thousand ages We might wear them in our hair— Is that why the frost has fallen? |
Lady Kazusa
25
Right
おのづから残れる菊をはつ霜は我が置けばとぞおもふべらなる
| onozukara nokoreru kiku o hatsushimo wa wa ga okeba to zo omouberanaru | Surely, Of the lingering chrysanthemums The first frost, ‘Tis because I’ve fallen!’ Seems to think! |
Lord Toshiyori
26
Toshiyori states: while the first poem is not remarkable, it does sound smooth. The concluding ‘has fallen’, though—would it be excessive to say that I feel it’s a bit grating? In the second poem, the assembled company have stated that ‘seems to’ is something that they have never heard before in their lives and given that they have said that this is what it sounds like, I make the Left the winner.
Mototoshi states: ‘With violet / Shine these chrysanthemums’ sounds appropriately poetic, but saying ‘that…we might wear them in our hair’ followed by the final ‘has fallen’ is a sequencing that is, in great part, inharmonious and lacking in gentle beauty. Nevertheless, I feel that the second poem’s ‘Surely, / Of the lingering chrysanthemums’ and the final ‘seems to’ is so unfamiliar that it makes me wonder what is going on with the sequencing there, so a single dipping in violet dye is superior and, I feel, all the sweeter!
