tabinesuru iso no tomaya no murashigure aware o nami no utchisoetekeru
Dozing on my travels In a sedge-thatched hut upon the rocky shore, The cloudbursts’ Sadness with that of the waves Is laced.
Lord Sane’ie 89
Right (Win)
もりもあへずまだきにぬるるたもとかなこずゑしぐるるまつのしたぶし
mori mo aezu mada ki ni nururu tamoto kana kozue shigururu matsu no shitabushi
No drips Yet have come to my soaking Sleeves— The treetops showered, as Beneath the pines I lay me down.
Atsuyori 90
The Left’s sound of the waves ‘In a sedge-thatched hut upon the rocky shore… Sadness with that of the waves / Is laced’ does, indeed, convey an inference of sadness, but the concluding ‘is laced’ sounds a bit inappropriate. The Right’s conception and configuration, too, are extremely charming. ‘Beneath the pines I lay me down’ is, I think, a novel construction—although I do get the impression that that it sounds like something which has prior precedent. Still, saying ‘No drips / Have yet come to my soaking’ and then ‘The treetops showered, as / Beneath the pines’ means that the sound conveys the loneliness as it truly is. Thus, again, the Right wins.
shigure moru tabine no toko wa hanazome no tamoto zo saki ni mazu kaerikeru
A shower drips upon me As I doze upon my journey-bed; Blossom-dyed, My sleeves, before me, Have first returned to what they were!
Masahira 75
Right (Win)
はなれゆくみやこをおもふひとりねのなみだをさそふはつしぐれかな
hanareyuku miyako o omou hitorine no namida o sasou hatsushigure kana
Distant has grown The capital, but it fills my thoughts, Sleeping solo, My tears invited by The first shower!
Chikashige 76
The configuration of the Left’s poem appears charming, but it would have sounded more so had there been a reason why ‘my sleeves, before’ had returned to the capital on the journey. The diction and conception of the Right’s poem, beginning with ‘distant has grown’ and leading to ‘tears invited’, is extremely pleasant. It seems the Right wins.
iro to koso hagi ga hanazuri omoishika ka sae tamoto ni utsurinuru kana
With hues, indeed, Are the bush-clover blooms dyed Did I think, but Even the scent to my sleeves Has shifted!
Lord Fujiwara no Shige’ie, Minister of Justice 1
Right
あきの野にいづれともなき花なれどまねく薄ぞ先めにはたつ
aki no no ni izure to mo naki hana naredo maneku susuki zo saki me ni wa tatsu
In the autumn meadows All equally fine Are the flowers, yet It is the beckoning silver grass that First catches the eye!
Former Minor Counsellor Fujiwara no Suketaka 2
On perusing the poems of Left and Right, it is not the case that neither has any elements lacking feeling. With that being said, the initial section of the Left’s poem and the final section of the right are not laudable, so after some little thought and being confused by the Left and the Right, reluctantly, I have decided to make this a tie.
