Round Five

Left (Win)

はれくもりしぐれするよはまつがねのまくらをえこそさだめざりけれ

harekumori shiguresuru yo wa matsu ga ne no makura o e koso sadamezarikere

Clear then clouded With showers is the night, When pine roots do My pillow make I cannot decide at all…[1]

Asamune
59

Right

かみなづきしぐるるよはのたびやかたもるとはなしにぬるるそでかな

kaminazuki shigururu yowa no tabiyakata moru to wa nashi ni nururu sode kana

In the Godless Month Showers at midnight At traveller’s lodge Should drench me not, yet Soaked are my sleeves! [2]

Kanetsuna
60

The style of both Left and Right sounds elegant. However, with regard to the Right’s poems, while I am well accustomed to hearing that one would not be drenched at a lodge, the combination of the diction of ‘showers’ and ‘soaked’ would have been better avoided. The conclusion of the Left, with ‘pine roots’ and sequencing sounds pleasant. Thus, the Left wins.

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[1] Alluding to: Topic unknown. よひよひに枕さだめむ方もなしいかにねし夜か夢に見えけむ yoi yoi ni / makura sadamemu / kata mo nashi / ika ni neshi yo ka / yume ni miekemu ‘Night after night / To decide upon my pillow / I cannot do, at all / How can I sleep the night away / And see you in my dreams?’ Anonymous (KKS XI:  516)

[2] Alluding to: Composed in place of an islander from  Ulleungdo. 故郷有母秋風涙　旅館無人暮雨魂 kokyō ni haha ari aki no kaze no namida / ryokan ni hito nashi bō no Tamashii ‘My mother lies in my ancient home; my tears overflow with the autumn wind, as / Alone in my traveller’s lodgings, the rain at dusk draws out my soul.’ Tamenori (Shinsen rōeishū 606)